From The Desk of Mike Sweerg

^ This story is already bullshit..

 

Customers want an Electronic Parking brake moved to the center console that engages with a PUSH in order that dogs moving from seat to seat can instantly slow acceleration for their safety.

 

1lowlife,

Thanks for your positive input regarding your love for chrome trim. There were some spelling and grammar errors in your post, so I took the liberty of correcting them to make your meaning more clear. I will forward this on to the design team for interiors.

Follow up question for you, do you want the dash top in chrome, or the entire dash to include: AC vents, gauge cluster, gauge faces, and switch gear?

Would you be interested in a cosmetic hood scoop shaped trim piece on top of the dash directly in front of the driver?

Thanks again for your input.

Mike Sweerg

 

Bikeric,

At a minimum I think that can be accomplished in the SR and SR5. Better yet the higher trim levels we could explore a motion sensor that can detect dogs or other pets, and have it send a signal to the ECU to cut power, and signal the automatic pre-collision braking if movement from pets is detected.

Mike Sweerg

 

'Sweerg' . . . Is that a joke I don't get?

 

Is this the best you can do?
More bullshit...


https://youtu.be/Q8nbBBbLF4U

 

1lowlife,

Thanks again for your positive input for the refresh for the 2040 model year Tundra. This is a new idea you have, but if a customer is enthusiastic about bullshit we will explore ways to incorporate it into the Tundra.

A few questions for you:

1.) Do you want organic bullshit or would a synthetic material that mimics bullshit be acceptable?

2.) Where do you want the bullshit incorporated? As an exterior finish? Maybe a paint color? A trim piece shaped like bullshit? Does a bullshit trim piece need to accurately replicate the color, texture, and fragrance of bullshit (assuming genuine premium bullshit is not used)?

Do you have ideas on bullshit incorporated into the interior?

3.) Are there other types of fecal matter you would like to see used on or in the Tundra?

Your thoughts are appreciated!

Mike Sweerg

 

Mike Mike Mike We have missed a massive opportunity to get the price up on top off all the tech and sensors. I need you to figure out how to incorporate as much carbon fiber as possible then color match or chrome plate it all. Make it happen

 

FO LO,

That is a great idea. Maybe not the actual carbon fiber construction part, but the carbon fiber appliqué and a massive increase in price to go with it. In order to maximize profitability we could explore carbon fiber adhesive finishes on many parts of the Tundra, while charging the customer a price as if the part were in fact made from carbon fiber.

Most of our customers don’t care about the weight savings or strength of a material. As proof look at all of them who sell off their TRD Pro BBS forged aluminum alloy wheels which are quite strong for their weight, and replace them with a larger, heavier wheel made from cheap cast mystery aluminum that is demonstrably lower quality than the OEM wheel. They’d pay a boat load of money extra if we just glued on a carbon fiber appliqué for a wheel package!

You’re a genius.

Mike Sweerg

 

I say start the 2022 design all over again or send it over to the Ford look-a-like contest lol. More chrome wanted my A$$ lol.

 

Toondra,

You will be happy to learn that we are using the same vendor as Jaguar/Land Rover for the air suspension in the 2022 Tundra, and a built in feature of the supplier parts is that the rear axle will naturally sag over time as the air bags become less and less capable of holding air pressure. So the "Carolina Squat", as it is called, will be a standard feature about the time the warranty runs out.

For customers that desire this coveted look sooner we may be able to offer an accessory program to the air suspension control module to squat the rear end as desired. We know that most of our customers squat to pee, and would like their truck to reflect them as the owner.

Best Regards,

Mike Sweerg

 

https://youtu.be/JDHvYdi6Bu4

 

1: Can the infotainment system be Adobe based?
2: It could update itself each evening and simultaneously send mileage reports to agencies requesting it for the soon to be adopted Tax/mile purposes.

 

carbon fiber wrapping! Outstanding! Let's start with wrapping the transformer soft open/close remote power open/close remote locking/unlocking tailgate. I know we were already at $3k for just the tailgate but this would easily get it up to $4k or $5k

 

I am not sure about everyone but I think that a chrome urinal in a double cab would be a very desirable feature.

 

I beg to differ....

 

Ahab,

Good of you to check in, this idea has merit, and would provide a merchandising opportunity for dealer parts departments to offer genuine Toyota OEM urinal cakes.

Mike Sweerg

 

TBoe1776,

As usual an insightful observation. Engine choices going forward are clearly going to need to be less powerful, at least based on customer feedback. Tundra owners seem to really hate frightening acceleration, anything under an 11 second 0-60 MPH time is terrifying to most of them by their own admission. Tundra owners are serious when they claim to have not bought their truck to drag race.

With those desires in mind we have been exploring 2 different options for future engines aimed at meeting those needs. One small, high feature content, high technology option with an advanced CVT. The other an extremely simple base model engine with no electronics at all, in front of a 3 speed manual. In both cases we plan for displacement to be under 2.4L and cylinder count to be 4 or less. Expect to be gear limited to approximately 55MPH unloaded, and towing speeds to be a blistering 27MPH.

We will also incorporate a 172db alarm and warning strobe lights that will activate any time 52MPH is exceeded, or throttle input exceeds 85% for more than 3 seconds.

Mike Sweerg

 

Now yer talkin’

 

.........Yeah, baby!

Make it outta gleaming chrome & stainless steel and fold this bad boy out of a Tundra tailgate and U cud sell a 1000.

 

Esteemed Mr. Sweerg

I believe you have an alternate solution to the excessive HP and terrifying acceleration that most of us hate. Instead of using your engineering and manufacturing departments to provide a new engine, rely on your sourcing department. There are plenty of small engine builders that make small engines with few parts and a single cylinder, Briggs and Stratton comes to mind. You could source inexpensive engines that would sell at a premium because of the Tundra community's high interest.

As always, thanks for listening to your customers input and trying to put our interests first.

 

That is a great idea team. What if we also put a chrome toilet seat on the tailgate as well? This might be very popular with customers who use their Tundra for camping. Plus an owner could take a relaxing bathroom break while also cooking a delicious meal!

Mike Sweerg

 

JMB,

That is an excellent idea and we are exploring that option, the biggest hindrance being a reluctance on to be part of small engine manufacturers to take part in the project.

Honda Power Equipment has no desire to supply a competitor of their parent company in the automotive sector. At least that is the response we received.

Briggs and Stratton, Tecumseh, Cub Cadet, Kawasaki, Toro, and Ariens have also declined based on no confidence in being able to supply an engine capable of meeting emissions, or durability requirements for warranty purposes.

This development has so infuriated Mr. Akio Toyoda that he is vowing to not only develop our own series of air cooled, carbureted, pull start single cylinder engines, but to “crush those insolent vendors in their own markets, and force them to taste the bitter sting of defeat.” Starting in December 25% of Toyota Japan R&D funding will be directed at that project.

Mike Sweerg

 

Lol japan r@d

Meanwhile across the street from the tundra ttv6 engine factory in Huntsville alabama:

 

And don't forget about the non-functional chrome snorkel for the new models. Gotta have that while riding on a 48" lift kit including 13" extra wide rims and tires.

 

Good news team, we have been able to conduct some consumer focus group testing in Arizona this week on the concept of a chrome plated dash. The focus group found the effect on a bright clear day to be illuminating. They seemed over joyed at the result. Their reactions are below:



Mike Sweerg

 

Who else thinks the profile of the 22 Tundra looks like a Tacoma? That's the most positive thing I can say about it. I've been waiting since 2017 for this new rig and I'm highly disappointed, as I'm sure others are. Looks nothing like the pics that have been released over the summer. And my favorite color isn't available, and probably won't be on the TRDPro either. And with prices so unrealistic I'm not sure what to do. The Chevy and GMC trucks look the best IMO but I don't want to deal with all the problems that come with them. Hopefully, Toyota will require a "refresh" of the Tundra in 2 years and I can dump the wait and see truck until things get back on track.

P.S. I meant to state that these observations are based of the red 22 Tundra pics posted to Instagram over the weekend.

 

...don't forget the tranny constantly looking for the right gear, makes the road trips not seem as long.

 

Whoa, calm down, wrong forum dude....check out truckers and fetish forums....