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What would you do?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by Eclipsed & Floating, Mar 2, 2018.

  1. Mar 2, 2018 at 6:37 AM
    #1
    Eclipsed & Floating

    Eclipsed & Floating [OP] Over it.........

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    Just found out last night that my 16 yr old son has been smoking a very high powered form of THC at school with buddies, two months after he was approved to go back to regular school. He was expelled for some unrelated other situations and after begging and pleading I finally got him back in.

    I’m moving pretty soon and he claims he’s not coming with, and that his friend’s mom has approved him living there.

    If you were me, how would you handle this situation?

    @COMiamiFan it just keeps getting better.......SMH
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2018
  2. Mar 2, 2018 at 6:44 AM
    #2
    War Machine

    War Machine SSEM # 5 SKDM # 23

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    How old is he?
     
  3. Mar 2, 2018 at 6:45 AM
    #3
    Eclipsed & Floating

    Eclipsed & Floating [OP] Over it.........

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    I used to be stepfather but now I’m legal guardian after the divorce
     
  4. Mar 2, 2018 at 6:46 AM
    #4
    blue16

    blue16 New Member

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    How old is he? If he is 18 or close to it not much you can do that wont just drive him away. Give him good moral support and let life kick him in the ass sense he isn't lessoning any ways. I would have a talk with the friends parents to make sure that what he says was true
     
  5. Mar 2, 2018 at 6:48 AM
    #5
    Eclipsed & Floating

    Eclipsed & Floating [OP] Over it.........

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    Already in the works but it’s not the most positive environment there. The mom gives too much freedom and the dad is a lawyer in PA. We’re in CO
     
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  6. Mar 2, 2018 at 6:50 AM
    #6
    Eclipsed & Floating

    Eclipsed & Floating [OP] Over it.........

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    One of the major concerns I have is for him to run rampant if I leave, but what kind of crap will I get for moving him away from ski resorts and dope Mtn biking? It’s his life
     
  7. Mar 2, 2018 at 6:51 AM
    #7
    [DELETED]

    [DELETED] New Member

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    Put his ass in check. Quick! He may not like it, but in time he'll respect you for it.

    I'm not worried about the weed, as much. But, he needs to be checked. Hard.

    Do it!
     
  8. Mar 2, 2018 at 6:51 AM
    #8
    Eclipsed & Floating

    Eclipsed & Floating [OP] Over it.........

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    Yeah, but if he goes then it could be very ugly for me, and trust me, this family has wreaked havoc already. All three kids are not my biogocal children but I’ve raised and loved them as my own
     
  9. Mar 2, 2018 at 6:52 AM
    #9
    Eclipsed & Floating

    Eclipsed & Floating [OP] Over it.........

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    I’m not either, but it’s where he’s burning it that bothers me
     
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  10. Mar 2, 2018 at 6:54 AM
    #10
    [DELETED]

    [DELETED] New Member

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    Damn... well, there's a way to earn that all back. If that's what's important to him, he'll do what it takes to stay on the mountain.

    I gave up a lot to surf at the highest levels possible. If it's important to him, he'll do the same.

    That said, I had a father that kept me in line until I was 18, or 20. I woulda spun off the rails a lot harder had it not been for that.
     
  11. Mar 2, 2018 at 6:56 AM
    #11
    [DELETED]

    [DELETED] New Member

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    Exactly.

    There's a time and place for everything. Weed ain't for sittin around staring at the wall. If you're gunna be high AF, do it while you're in knee deep, or ripping some single track. Teach him its value, and how to use it.

    Otherwise... burnout. That's not cool.
     
  12. Mar 2, 2018 at 6:56 AM
    #12
    blue16

    blue16 New Member

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    This ^^^^
     
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  13. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:08 AM
    #13
    Trooper2

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    It doesn't sound like friends place is the right environment. Thinking he should move with you but if there are some trust issues maybe not. Maybe make him move, new start, get straightened out. If he doesn't, out he goes, maybe back to the mountains if his friends can accommodate him or even remember him.
     
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  14. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:08 AM
    #14
    Tacogrande

    Tacogrande New Member

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    The kid needs a dad to keep his punk ass on the straight and narrow. I don't care if he does not like it you are the boss. If he refuses, take all privileges and phone away. Make him get a JOB if he wants the phone .
    This period could make the difference between a winner or a loser .
    Yea .. I'm a hard ass...my dad was to me and I'm very thankful that he was .
     
  15. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:09 AM
    #15
    Trooper2

    Trooper2 Premium Lone Star Member / SSEM #13

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    This too ^^^^^!!!
     
  16. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:12 AM
    #16
    14tundra

    14tundra On Wisconsin!

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    At 16 I didn't "tell" my parents anything. I "asked" in 2 years he can make his own choices, on his own budget! Until then-dues are still owed...don't pawn him off on someone else, that has happened to him already. kudos for stepping up and being the legal guardian. Be the dad he needs and try saying "sorry but NO." just my 0.02
     
  17. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:12 AM
    #17
    COMiamiFan

    COMiamiFan SSEM #3. Don't forget to try the search bar.

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    Sorry to hear brother. Can you give up guardianship and give it to his friend's mom? How about giving it back to your ex? If you leave and he stays and he gets in more trouble, are you legally responsible as the guardian? If so, is that a risk you want to take? I would not drag him to where you are going; that will only make him rebel more and maybe do other stupid shit and dragging you down in the process. If he wants nothing to do with you, as sad as it will be to give up on the kids, turn them over to their mom. You did as best you could as a step father, but no reason why you need to put up with it. Of course, easy for me to say because I am not in your shoes, but let him man up to his decisions and live with the consequences. Sometimes you have to let go as hard as it may be.

    And as @Watt maker said,, don't give him anything. He has to earn it himself. That Audi you were looking at? Nope. Doesn't sound like they've earned the right to a car IMO.
     
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  18. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:25 AM
    #18
    NewImprovedRon

    NewImprovedRon Hey! Get off my grass!

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    A 16 year-old drawing the line and saying he isn't moving wouldn't hold water with me. His current friends are most probably a bad influence on him it sounds like. I would want to get him away from them as quickly as I could to establish a clean slate. I would also let him know that for the next two years, his ass belongs to you. After that, he can make his own decisions and suffer the consequences, good or bad; it is up to him. I hope things sort themselves out for you and him.
     
  19. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:27 AM
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    Nike21

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    Be the parent and buck up IMO. He's 16, if he lives under your roof, he abides by your rules. He doesn't need to be smoking weed, he doesn't need to be getting expelled from school, he doesn't need to have everything catered to him. Maybe he's reaching out for discipline and guidance. Good luck in your endeavor, and well wishes to you and your son.
     
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  20. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:27 AM
    #20
    COMiamiFan

    COMiamiFan SSEM #3. Don't forget to try the search bar.

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    Lots of folks here saying the same Ron as you did, but Mark has already tried that and has never worked on the kids. They rebel even harder afterwards. All Mark would be doing is taking the same issues with him to another city/state.
     
  21. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:28 AM
    #21
    Eclipsed & Floating

    Eclipsed & Floating [OP] Over it.........

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    Iv spoken with my lawyer when the little one was going bonkers. Legally they stay mine but if any trouble arises then I don’t assume physical responsibility. The last thing I want to do is bail on any of the kids, but the 2 that are struggling are making their own decisions to leave with an open ended invitation to live with me. I’ve put 100% of my heart into these kids and I’ve been successful with the oldest! She now applying to college and I couldn’t be happier
     
  22. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:35 AM
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    Danimal86

    Danimal86 What's a Dickfir?

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    Can you force a kid to go into the military?

    I agree with what Ron said, but that by itself is probably a full time job. Someone needs to be there to keep an eye on him at all times.
     
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  23. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:40 AM
    #23
    T-Rex266

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    Why can’t a judge court order him to be in boot camp? Or better yet, grab him and he’s going. You’re the father first before friend.
     
  24. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:42 AM
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    831Tun

    831Tun crazy Bastrd

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    He may think he wants to stay but on some level he's gonna end up feeling abandoned. I think leaving him with someone else is a free pass for him to do whatever he wants. He needs to know that you love (he needs to hear it) and care for him and his welfare. I think he needs a strong, stable, positive role model, no hypocrisy. If you're gonna smoke weed, you can't tell him he can not. If you're not completely honest with him, you can't require honesty from him.
    My dad was an abusively strict disciplinarian and a hypocrite. That backfired horribly and, to my discredit, caused a rebellious nose dive that took years for me to finally pull out of.
    If you're going to AZ. there's still snow, mtn biking and stuff for him to enjoy, maybe just a little more work to get there.
    Sorry that you're having these issues. Tough shit to deal with.
     
  25. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:50 AM
    #25
    Newm

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    Sorry to hear this brother. I was that kid that your son is. My parents drew the line in the sand and did the tough love thing and you know what I did...I ran away. I eventually came back but that was after diving deeper into harder drugs than just some concentrated THC. That's what worries me about not taking him with you. He is going to hate you if you take him with but if you leave him....well you just don't know. If he gets into some real hard shit running with the wrong crowd he just might not be able to get out of it. I can say 100% that hard/illicit drugs are pure evil (I know I'm not alone in knowing this here) and that's where my fear would be.

    Tough choice because you can't tell a 16yo anything. You just have to know you laid a solid foundation and hope the drugs don't get harder and he loses his way and gets to far away to even see what he has done and is doing to himself and his family.

    IMO, I would take him with me. Just move somewhere where he can still rip the MTB and or ski. He's going to be pissed but at least you can keep him in sight. Leaving him to his own devices is Russian roulette.
     
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  26. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:50 AM
    #26
    jfrd30

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    He has NO say in this, he is a minor and you are his guardian. If it were my father, I'd get a punch in the mouth and a "Straighten the Fuck up!" but that's another story.

    I have a step son that pulled the ole "You're not my father" bullshit on me after talking back to his mother. He was 14 at the time. I followed him into his bedroom, picked him up by his shirt, and punched his ass into the wall. His eyes were the size of dinner plates as I whispered to him "I may not have brought you into this world, but I can take you out! Now go apologize to your mother" I set him down and walked away. As far as I was concerned the matter was over the second he apologized to his mother. From that point on he was as good as gold and we never had a problem from him again. You need to establish who is in charge and that there will be consequences for poor behavior. Too many kids today think that they have a say in their upbringing and no respect for adults. You don't have to be an ass like my father, but you can be firm. Set boundaries and DO NOT waver!! If you say one thing and do another, you send a mixed message that kids will jump on and exploit.
     
  27. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:52 AM
    #27
    mtntop

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    Is he smoking everyday, most of the day? I have friends that smoke pot everyday and are successful business men, they started when we were about 12 and still do it, I am in my 50's now and have never liked it. I say this because pot would be the least of my concerns re his lifestyle choices.
     
  28. Mar 2, 2018 at 7:52 AM
    #28
    Eclipsed & Floating

    Eclipsed & Floating [OP] Over it.........

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    Ron, trust me....it’s been done and the flavor of this family is quite spicy. Traditional methods haven’t proven fruitful, but the boy has been quite a bit mor pliable and I thought it was going well until yesterday. When you’re dealing with a group of kids being trained by the Devil (their mother), then an overactive creativity is the only way to parent them.

    I’ve been their for 10 years and this is truly the hardest thing to ever had to contemplate, but I’ve also put my life on hold for a family that continues to spit on me. I’ll refrain from details but am not taking this lightly
     
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  29. Mar 2, 2018 at 8:08 AM
    #29
    Boerseun

    Boerseun Super White

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    What is the relationship between the siblings like? Is there respect for the oldest? Maybe you can ask her to intervene a little bit and have a heart to heart talk with her brother.
    Lots of respect for you taking these kids in and doing what you are doing!
     
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  30. Mar 2, 2018 at 8:08 AM
    #30
    Eclipsed & Floating

    Eclipsed & Floating [OP] Over it.........

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    Ron, you know I respect everything about you, and I’m agreeing with you totally. The problem is that their mom has taught them (through her actions) that violence and walking out only to disappear for weeks is how you handle not getting your way.

    The little girl was 13 and I got a call from a state away to come get her from Kansas City the last time I wanted her to do the dishes. I had the cops on alert (3 municipalities) and every hospital in CO was called. Turns out she was hitchhiking back to SC to get away from me.

    Her mother has taught these kids that authority and being accountable is not something you have to deal with.

    Noah has been the best of them all but last night when he said “I go to school everyday, get my shit done, should be able to do whatever I want, so you can fuck off! I’ll smoke weed wherever I want” then walked out of the house I was shocked.

    Snatching a kid by the ear and dragging him down the street is not a viable option any longer. The 13 year called 911 on me and told them I was beating her and that she needed away. All lies but there was an investigation started.

    Ron, trust me, I’m not taking it lightly and am not giving up, but their mother abandoned 3 kids with a stepfather and they take it out on me. @COMiamiFan is not wrong. IVE TRIED, and put my heart and soul into them, only to be spit on by all involved. The oldest is the only one that isn’t rebelling any longer
     
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