Parents helping their kids - "What do you want to be" discussion

Did a quick search and haven't seen anything focused on parents helping their kids through career choices. With the diversity here, figured it would be insightful to hear different journeys and share experiences/lessons learned for certains career fields.

At what ages did you all start talking about careers with your kids and how did you go about helping them understand that while happiness and joy is part of a career, they'll be miserable when they realize they chose a lath that won't support their futures?

Has anyone helped a child on their journey to becoming a veterinarian (and any of the specialist paths)?

Anyone find that their kids with ADHD really thrive in a specific career field? We're wondering if forensic accounting would be a good option.

 

My oldest kid is currently in med school and second one in pre-med.
They should do well for themselves one day, but the most important thing is to not chose a career solely on what the pay will be, or what the parents want them to be.
They have to pick something that they will be passionate about. I am an engineer and naturally tried to steer my son in that direction. But he had a few medical issues growing up that a wonderful doctor helped him to get healed, and he decided that he want to do the same. In high school he shadowed different doctors until he one day saw this pediatric plastic surgeon help kids with birth defects, changing their whole lives and future by sometimes just a small surgery, sometimes more involved, but he could make a difference. Now he is absolutely passionate about it.
So, long story, but expose your kids to options, even totally outside of what you and your spouse do for a living. Let them discover it, with guidance from you, but no pressure into what you want them to become.

 

We only have 2 requirements: 1) never, ever, EVER shall they be a sex worker of any kind, and 2) they need to consider salaries in the discussion since we won't be supporting them forever and we expect them to be self reliant.

The rest is just a journey. The future vet hasn't budged off of either a nurse (like mom) or a vet. She's pretty locked in, but is starting to realize there are so many specialities.

The other is absolutely clueless and would choose professional yo-yo'ing if we'd support it (we don't - great hobby, not a career).

Did you have connections with the Drs your kid shadowed or was that through the school? We've debated working with the local vets office to see if she can volunteer.

 

With the direction things are going, I would be happy just to have healthy and mostly content children. That said, for employment I would encourage a couple of hands on trades or something similar that involves changing environments and physical movements in conjunction with smart real estate investments along the way. Fresh air, sunshine, interaction with a variety of individuals, and physical movements that can all be part of the job have positive impacts on overall health. Given the choice of wealth or health, balance is key! Good luck!

 

I taught my kids that they will need to be valuable to the tribe. Caveman shit.

doing "passion" based college degrees will get then a minimum wage job - at best.

do something that you like AND will provide an income to help your family.

to let your children "roam free" in childhood is poor parenting. mentor them to be leaders & teach them personal responsibility. the rest will fall in line.

Monitor and filter the friends your children keep. they are huge influences.

teach them hand on skills.

teach them to manage $.

teach them to always love and support the family.


Fathers - be the sheepdog. keep your herd in safety.

I've been fired 3 times for sticking to my values...each time I doubled my income.

my kids still love and respect their Mom & Dad.

Son = CPA
Daughter = Nurse


edit- Friendly people are generally not your friends.

 

Mother in law raised 2 girls single after the Dad left. Started out on welfare then dug them out of poverty with a nursing degree.

My own Grandfather immigrated here from Barbados with carpenty skills, then supported a family of 6 in a suburb in a single home he built himself, leaving his wife with a nearly 7 figure nest egg by paying expenses from his earning and investing 100% of her part time job income.

The common thread is they went into fields with high demand for new bodies and sacrificed for years to make their families comfortable. I will break my 8 year old in with these stories because I think making a child understand these things is the biggest challenge in an era where new generations are told they're entitled to a comfortable middle class life style even if they don't invest in skill sets that increase their value to the labor market.

Society's Messaging now is that certain things are owed to them if they simply show up and clock in for something, anything, whether that's mopping floors, waiting tables or stapling papers together. All work has honor and is noble but not all labor has equal monetary value.

The most important challenge for parents who want them to do well is to counter the entitlement idea that Pop culture blares at them. Nope, Nobody owes you anything special just for showing up. Whoever tells you that is misinformed or is lying to you for their own political gain. You don't automatically get a single family home, 2 cars and 2 vacations per year with disposable income left over just because you put 40 hours per week in at something. It's quite possible you will work long and hard at something and still have financial challenges.

 

Nobody up there pretty much nailed it in my opinion. We have a 11 and 15 year old boys. The oldest is mechanical in nature, helps the neighbor work on boats, loves to be at the farm and to tinker on his truck. He has no 4yr college plans unless he gets to go free for football or baseball. He is planning on pursuing welding or electrical.

Wh have steered him to working with his hands, ie the dirty hands clean money mantra. You don't need a 4yr degree to be successful. He thought the LEO route but that's been me for 19 years and i think he gets the picture that there is better life to be had.

The 11 yr old loves to be in the kitchen baking and loves his music. Mom loves to bake and damn that's hard on the waist line cause she's good. We encourage the boys to try everything and see what sticks. Within. Reason and being responsible.

Never know what will catch their interest.

Veterinarian is a great field and there isn't enough of them, but will also depend on large or small animal. Large can be quite interesting if your in farm country.

 

I'm the typical story of having a mother who worked "mothers hours" and a father who worked 5 jobs. My wife was brought up slightly different, but she is by far the hardest working of her entire family. She went ivy league (not by her parents means, but by working her tail off) and I didn't go until now, in my 40s. We've been open about all of it so far (ages 11 & 13) since we find ourselves very fortunate to have found careers that are in high demand. We live a comfortable life, but we remind them this is OUR life, not theirs, and that we work our tails off for it. No silver spoons here, but our younger, more free spirited is struggling a bit.

Reason I wanted to open this thread is because we've heard (in our own circles) that we're ruining our kids' childhood by asking them to be aware and to start observing things that interest them and potential career choices. We answer their questions and try to be realistic about our responses. "Noble cause, but you can't live off that salary, so maybe that's a volunteer opportunity if it still interests you" type of discussions.

 

The 13yo is on her game. She just created her list of top 10 specialties within the field, and we told her to stop and think through her rack & stack. I think she'll land on her feet without issue, and she knows the list can/should/will change as she gets older and volunteers. Large vs small is going to be an interesting decision since we have both opportunities where we are.

The younger one is my biggest concern, since her entire grade is about 2 years behind in those thought processes. Such a young group. It gives me anxiety, actually.

 

My parents forced me into engineering school. I was too stupid to know any better, but I knew I hated it.

Worked 4 years in engineering/office scene and absolutely hated my life.

I went to work in the oil field when the money just wouldn't come with engineering. It has taken a toll on my body physically, but I never starved along the way.

If I could do it all over again with kids, I would (passively) steer them towards a trade, or nursing school or something.

The skill that you can take anywhere and make money with is the right answer, even if it is not glamourous.

 

Personally, I mostly have to agree with they are still rather young. That said, they aren't very far off from reality either. Much comes down to their individual level of maturity and remember they only have one chance to be children. Fine line indeed!

 

This, in my eyes, illustrates your point. I agree with everything you are doing. I believe this will put your kids miles ahead of the other kids in those 'circles'.
We've been blessed with the option of homeschooling for the last 5 years. I'm pretty biased. The number of 'special snowflakes' that my kids used to be in school with is ridiculous. I think the biggest difference is active parenting more than anything else. Newer issues affecting kids these days just make it worse. Good job on you OP.

 

I’ve got a senior & junior in HS.
Senior has no idea what she wants to do but knows she doesn’t want to go into a bunch of debt just to “go to college”. She’s smarter than I was at that age thankfully. So she will continue working but will take some community college classes to see what interests her and get her general studies out of the way and not be $100k in debt.

The junior is dead set on following me into the dental field and she has the motivation and thankfully the smarts to accomplish it.

The oldest is probably naturally the smarter of the 2 and subsequently is bored and uninterested in schoolwork, but the younger one hates to lose so she will do whatever she needs to to put herself in a position for success.

As parents, we kind of encourage both avenues because that suits their personalities. They’re both great kids that appreciate what they have and how to earn and achieve. We want them to be independent and learn, but are fortunate to provide a little cushion if needed.

as for the OP and the veterinary question - absolutely contact the local vet(s) about shadowing. They could be a great asset and potentially have a contact or better with local and state professional associations and maybe their Alma mater as well

 

Thanks to all of you for your responses and insights. Keep up the good work yourselves, as it sounds like you all are raising some bright futures! Appreciate you all.

Our current plan on the 13yo is to get her to volunteer at the local animal shelter and hopefully get here into a volunteer position at the vet nearby. Ideally, she'd get hired as a student at one of them so she can still have the high school job as well, but we'll see how that all goes. We also have a local farm that is part of the Audubon Society which could help her with the large animal experience. Just not sure what carries the most value when it comes time for college applications, but I guess time will tell.

The 11yo is going to be an interesting story.

To anyone with kids (or even themselves) with ADHD, have you found any good fits that you weren't expecting? For anyone not in the know, it can be dang near a super power if channeled correctly.

 

I was diagnosed with ADD as a young teen, that was back in the mid 90's when they were throwing everyone and their brother on Ritalin though.
Still to this day I have a really hard time focusing on book/computer work. I had a highschool counselor that encouraged trade school. I needed to work with my hands to stay interested.
I've been an electrician for almost 22 years, make really good money and love the work!

 

This makes sense. Active physically and mentally. Things have come so far on the diagnosis front. Thankfully we've been able to get it all ironed out now. If only the flippin' meds wouldn't constantly go on national backorder...

Good call on electrician!

 

My college roommate had ADHD. Change of scenery and socialization made it far more controllable. Until late high school it was handled with medication and probably a ton of special attention. Getting dropped into a dorm by himself and adapting to a new environment where there wasn't a crowd of people trying to accommodate it did his condition considerable good. He's now an attorney with a successful small practice.

It didn't disappear, but he got very good at managing it. In the beginning of undergrad he couldn't sit and study for more than 2 minutes and he ended up with a law degree from a good school 7 or 8 years later.

 

The fact that you are asking about HOW to be involved with your kids' choices and options for careers tells me that you probably already have most boxes checked off. Being a veterinarian MUST be a passion - it's like all the education (and more) of an M.D. with a fraction of the pay (and even the potential pay). But if that's what the passion is, help them go for it. As an engineer, I have just tried to make sure both my kids understood the possibilities. Both of them are extremely intelligent. My son got his electrical engineering degree last May and is enjoying his work right now. My daughter is a senior at Auburn and will go one more year for a Master's in Industrial/Organizational Psychology. But her "street smarts" are second to none. I won't be surprised if she finds her way to a CEO position one day. BTW, her passion is art, but she discovered in high school that she does not enjoy it if she is being told what to draw/paint. That was enough to convince her not to major in Art itself.

All this said, I agree that financial success today is NOT dependent on getting a college degree. I know a few VERY successful (and wealthy) people who never took the first college class. It is more dependent on work ethic and passion.

 

Both my son and I are ADHD. I’m in the IT field, but it wasn’t unexpected, as I was programming in BASIC and backing stuff up to tape drive when I was 6.

I can tell you that it works for me because it’s ALWAYS changing and keeps me busy, and I like to help people.

 

Honestly, I'd focus less on the career thing and more on being happy with the basics. I don't care if you make 30K a year or 300K, as long as you're happy with yourself and your life. Don't compare to other people, because comparison is the thief of joy.



But I don't have kids, so what do I know?

 

I have hopes the 11yo will find her path along the way. The art scenario above is something I can absolutely see coming. We've always joked that she's the sales rep of the house, but we'll see.

We're going to start casually touring campuses while we are traveling in the camper, so hopefully that will spark more discussion with them. I'd like to see them both get some sort of formal education/training so they don't have to follow my path, but we don't really care what that looks like. Got get a certification in a trade, go get a degree, go get a practitioner cert from one of the big IT providers. Doesn't matter, just something to help them have a better start than I had.

Thanks again, everyone!

BTW, this wasn't intended to be just about me, just a landing spot for thoughts, recommendations, ideas. It's something I every parent deals with at some point.

 

I fell into IT and then IA & Cybersecurity as a result. I feel you on the changes, and I assume that option will always be on the table, though I'm not sure what it will look like in 10 years. I love the triage and instant gratification of executing projects or tickets, but being on the policy side now, it leaves a lot to be desired.

 

Yeah, please don't think being good people and keeping their compass isn't the #1 priority here. But, 30k vs 300k is a huge swing. 100k isn't what it used to be, and I think there was just an article about 15 cities where 150k doesn't even put you at lower middle class. I don't see this list shrinking, so yes! Be happy. But also, maybe suck it up for your career and fund your happiness in hobbies, volunteering, donating, etc. there's 100% a balance. Please don't think that's lost here.

While a silly place to learn a lesson, anyone remember the movie "Indecent Proposal"? Money isn't everything.

 

30K living off grid in Alaska could be paradise for some is all I'm saying.

 

Same, and funny - other than some server/sysadmin, that’s what I do.

 

If you’re talking $30k in semi precisely combined lead and brass I’d tend to agree with you. Unfortunately, the missus wants a homestead and other crap too.

My demands are filled… just working on hers for the time being.

 

I mean an annual income of $30K. If somebody just wants to live off grid in the wilderness, that's plenty of money for necessities.

 

That's my retirement. But that also leaves me 20 more years, and my kids 50 more years, before we can all be happily retired in the wilderness living the simple life. If we can somehow find our prize well before then, we'll absolutely secure it. Eye always on the prize, right? Until then, realists need to be realistic about their specific realities.

 

I’d still need my initial investment of various metals.

 

Sure, but if you are off grid, you have low expenses and can use funds for precious metals instead of internet, overpriced mugs, the latest trending toy, etc.