The truck is all that's left

About to burn the last of my bridges on some dumb shit. I should've known it wasn't going to work out, it never could, were not in the same place in life and we don't share an end goal. I just want my family back, and I want them to be happy again, but all she is about is herself and what she wants and fuck anyone else. I was a fool for believing her words, her actions speak volumes and they are not saying the same thing. Sometimes I wish I was as dumb as I feel, it's like Im smart enough to know damn well how this would go but I'm too fucking stupid to stop myself from putting myself through it. I admire people who kill themselves, the people who say that is a cowards way out have obviously never tried it. It's the hardest thing I've ever failed at.

 

Get some help dude and spare us the bullshit.

 

Ya shit. Because I totally sat you down and forced you to read that. Fuckin sorry dude.

It's called venting bubba.

 

I had a friend commit suicide when I was 17. I saw and felt firsthand what his suicide did to his mom, his stepfather, his siblings, his friends and his girlfriend. If you are trying to destroy everyone you care about and that care about you (even if you think they don’t), then just fucking do it.

But you can fuck right off for saying you admire people who kill themselves. Every person who commits suicide is a damn suicide bomber because you kill a little bit of everyone who ever cared about you and you force them to live with your selfishness. I miss my friend and hate him at the same time.

Life is a bitch - they should give out the t-shirts for free. We all have our struggles but you’ve got to pull your mind out of this endless spiral. The “easy way” is rarely the right way. Get off social media, get away from the toxic relationship shit because it ain’t gonna work out. She’s like that Chicago song “Hard Habit to Break.” Find a new habit. Work on yourself and find somebody better. You aren’t the only person in this life to get screwed over by someone you love and you won’t be the last.

 

What I admire is the strength, it's hard to explain in a way that would make sense to anyone who doesn't already get it.

 

It’s not strength and nobody “gets it” because they are already dead.

 

Damn that hit. Well said

 

Burning bridges isn’t going to do you any favors. Creating some new ones might. Right around half the population gets a divorce for one reason or another. Don’t let circumstances define who and what you are. You’re more than a relationship and certainly more than a career.

That said, you’ll never see anything through the fog of depression. Depression is like being stuck in a tar pit where you’re slowly sinking and every effort to help yourself feels like it’s dragging you back down. You’re going to need help to get you out of that pit. Strength is finding the help you need to help yourself.

Find yourself a therapist. Not later, NOW. Pick up the phone and call around to find someone with an opening. They can, and will, help you get to a place where you can help yourself, but you have to take the first step. Your kids are going to need a father and if they are ever in similar circumstances you can help them by helping yourself now. Show them what strength looks like and make the call.

 

Seems like this thread is causing more harm than anything else. Yall have fun

 

the bridges being burned are better left uncrossed, its for my own good not to keep messing around. im just waiting to hear back from my case worker if i have insurance or not before i can see any kinda professional for the help I need. it definitely feels like a pit, like the pit a guy falls in when he takes one step forward and 2 steps back

 

You don't necessarily need to burn down bridges and deal with all the drama that fallout creates, but you can build a big ass gate, lock it, and keep everything behind it. Guess maybe I'm different, but I've never had a problem emotionally cutting people out of my life once I've decided they are not worth my time and energy.

It's YOUR life. You are at a point, IMO, where you can hit the "reset" button so to speak and start again. Kind of like the stock market, not all is lost until you cash out. If you pull that trigger, game is over. Until that point you can stay in the game and recover, perhaps even stronger than you ever thought possible.

One thing I can think of that might help (and not cost anything) would be to find a library and read up on meditation. It won't magically solve your problems, but perhaps could help clear your head and relax the mind for a bit.

 

Summer is coming. A backpack, tent, sleeping bag, 22LR, fishing rod, deep woods and see ya all in fall. Physical activity counters mind struggles, living by yourself leaves no time for dark thoughts. Time will cure your mind, you can return to society and build your life back in any way you want it. Does not have to be 9-5 and endless bills either.

 

There is a lot of truth to this. In Nov 2008 I had a surprise divorce sprung on me,in Feb of 2009 my mom took her life, and in Dec of 2009 I deployed to the ME.

When I got back stateside I spent countess days and nights camping, both solo and with long time friends. I started motorcycle camping, which seemed to be the most fun and do the most good for my mind.