Magnus will sleep for the last time this Friday

The only way you avoid the pain of losing a dog is never having a dog, and that's a life not worth living. RIP Magnus.

 

Sorry Holden.

 

People who are not 'dog people' never truly understand that they are not just a pet, they are family. R.I.P. Magnus

 

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❤️ You did the best thing for him. Magnus is no longer in pain and will always be in your heart .

 

You did the humane thing to end his suffering. It's horrible to go through, but deep in your heart, hopefully you feel like you did the right thing for your dog.

 

There are family members that I will cry over less than I have for my beloved furry friends.

 

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So sorry Charles
Just saw this thread.
As we celebrate the (given) birthdays of two of our loved pets today, my heart aches for your loss.
I can’t grab you in a big bear hug in person today, but I am in spirit.

 

Very sorry for your loss Holden, this is the hardest part of how deeply we love our dogs, and it never gets easier.

Show us a picture of your fur baby.

Diego (the Black one) currently eats out of the bowl that belonged to KC, who was one of my wife's two dogs when she and I met over 20 years ago.

I sometimes tell him what an honor it is that he's been deemed worthy of that.



KC in her hot rod. Through the course of a shit-ton of money spent on rehab, E-stim, cold laser treatments and Chinese herbs she got out of the wheelchair and walking around the block with us.



How are you and the family holding up Charles?

 

@SD Surfer you're pretty awesome for taking that level of care and commitment on with KC. The indomitable spirit of dogs never ceases to amaze me. They simply don't know how to quit. Another reason to love them even more ...

Friend of mine drove his Tundra up and we did truck stuff and golf cart stuff. Hung out in Harbor Freight and Lowe's. Took me out to lunch. He was kind enough to not ask me stuff about Magnus but he was upset too. He loved Magnus a lot.

Things are pretty raw still. Cried myself to sleep, woke up and cried again. I gave his bedding away because I needed it gone - it never looked so empty ...I feel like a different person. I'm disoriented. I am forgetful. I'm lost.

 

KC was an exceptional creature. Once she loved me I knew I was in like Flynn with her human.

You're so right, that spirit is something I admire about them... they don't waste any time with self pity. They just get to adapting and dealing with whatever comes.

It's such a weird period when they're first gone. You go from sad, to numb, forget for a moment then remember what just happened and sad all over again. Grief hits everyone differently. It sucks but you guys will be okay.

Yeah the canine rehab is pretty neat, we've taken a few dogs to her.

Riley blew his knee out and was getting ultrasound treatments, massage, and doing sessions on an underwater treadmill. The buoyancy takes most of his weight off the joints so then he can get the workout and motion without the impact. The lengths we'll go to right?

 

This is where I'm at right now. The wife thinks I need to talk to someone.

 

Dogs are the greatest gifts anyone can find friendship in. It's hard to say goodbye. I've lost my dog and went to work that same night with tears flooding out my eyes. The only way can do say goodbye is when you accept seeing them again over the bridge!

 

It's pretty natural. There's no right or wrong way to grieve.

You're talking to us. Talk to Magnus. Keep going to lunch and doing truck stuff with the friend you mentioned. Talk to him or don't talk, as long as you process it somehow or to someone you'll be alright.

Or if that someone is a professional, that's okay too... just a little more expensive.

 

@texasrho83 we're here with you man. Tough deal here, losing a big piece of your family. Get out of the house and occupy that brain on something else. Know that Magnus lived a good life with you and your family, you gave him everything a pup could ever want and you know he loved you all. You did good and right by him letting him cross the bridge when his time came.

Edit: shed a few tears for you this morning reading his story. I think we're all grieving with you in a way, so know you're not alone.

 

Talking was not what I wanted to do for the first few days after Rudy passed. I was okay being around someone (mainly my wife), but I DID NOT want to talk. I didn't want to talk about Rudy, I didn't want to talk about what we needed to get done in the coming days, I didn't want to talk about what to have for dinner (pretty sure I didn't eat for 2-3 days). I did not want to talk about the 'good times' or all the great things we got to do together... none of it, at least not then and not for a while

As SD Surfer said, 'numb' was a great description about how I felt toward the entire world. I'm not sure why but Rudy's passing was more difficult and impactful to me than the passing of my own father; and we had a very good relationship, but this was just different.

Well, except when it came to how I felt about myself... I was really, really, angry at myself. Angry for not doing enough, angry for doing too much, angry for not giving it another few days, angry for not taking better advantage of the time we had, angry for allowing the vet(s) to try a new therapy, angry for not trying some of what they offered that seemed a bit suspicious, angry at myself for almost anything I could come up with at the moment. I was even mad (not outwardly) toward my wife for not visibly seeming to be impacted as much by his passing as I was...

Another odd (but understandable to me a year later as I write this) was being angry that nothing seemed to smell like him any more. I purposefully was trying to find something later that first day and for the next couple of days after that would give me more 'connection', and so I was looking for things that SHOULD smell like him... but NOTHING did. I think the lack of his smell on things was a huge gut punch that he was really gone...

This initial stage, at least for me, lasted for several days. I'm sure everyone is different, but if you would have put me in front of or on the phone w/someone to 'talk' it would have been a quiet conversation, and if the person on the other end was 'trying' too hard, it would have ended quickly.

Here's some of what I did to help...

The day after: Not having him around was killing me... I ended up scanning through a bunch of photos (yeah, this part was in and of itself extremely emotional but in a way it helped). I was looking for photos that depicted his personality and an 'essence' of his being. After sifting through 100s of photos, I found a handful that really emulated his presence 95% of the time...

My intention was to have a large canvas photo printed up so I could immediately put up. So, I then went to the wife and showed her the photos I was considering and told her what I was going to do. She literally shook her head and said she didn't think it was a good idea, but offered input on the photos. I ended up picking one the really felt right and felt like it showcased his spirit. I wanted this done right then, so I fired off a quick online order to have a 16x20 canvas print of that particular photo done by WalMart (quality wasn't great and I'm sure Costco would have been a better 'quick' option), but that wasn't so much the point. I was able to pick up the print in about 2 hours... I've since replaced the WalMart print w/a much better rendition of the same photo by https://bayphoto.com/ (they are a bit pricey, but the quality is awesome and you can pick many formats such as canvas, metal, metallic, etc...) that day though, I wasn't willing to wait.

Anyhow, I brought the photo home, sat w/it for a bit and tried to decide where to mount it. It ended up in the master bedroom, in a place where the lighting was perfect. I was able to see it laying in bed, walking into the room, sitting in my recliner, even while brushing my teeth. It helped having it there; quite a lot actually. Although, the process of it helping wasn't pretty. Every single time I looked at it, I was flooded w/emotion. There were days I'd sit and stare at it for hours. It drove my wife nuts I think, but it helped... She didn't think so at the time, but allowing my brain to walk through the emotion it needed to experience allowed me to start to heal, but it wasn't easy for me, and I'm sure it was hard for her to watch me navigate that process...

The next 'step' for me was when I was able to pick up Rudy's urn. He was finally home. Well, not really, but to me I felt closer to him again. Immediately the emotional roller coaster started all over again. But, this time, the episodes and 'state of numbness' subsided a bit faster.

It got a little better each month. Things would trigger emotional waves, but w/time those triggers and the emotions connected to them wouldn't stay peaked for so long. It's been just over a year now, and it still hurts. I still miss him. I still stare at that photo daily.

A couple of other ideas would be a memorial wrist band that you could keep on you at all times, such as this...

memorial-bracelets

...or you could even start planning out a tattoo (if you're into that) memorializing him. Although, I'd give that a bit of time before actually doing it as the wording, images, etc. that you want to use are likely to change several times over the next few weeks!!

 

Go!

 

Tattoo examples that I've done...

For Rudy I started with our unit's crest



I then had the artist replace the eagle's head w/Rudy's profile...

and the lower ribbon contained the names of the dogs I worked over the years to honor all three dogs...





The dog I worked before Rudy was another one I became extremely close with. I ended up w/him much later in his life, and we had a great bond and some awesome memories, but it was still much different when he passed than when Rudy passed for some reason. Maybe it was because I had Rudy since he was a young dog (under a year).... Ultimately, I'm not sure why, but Rudy's passing was far worse for me to go through than Ranger's.

Anyhow, when Ranger passed I ended up having this tattoo done in honor of Ranger...



It was created from this photo I gave the artist of Ranger's eyes and expression...



I hope this gives you a few ideas or allows you to come up w/your own path for beginning that healing process. Don't be afraid to allow yourself time to grieve in whatever way(s) you choose to heal and find comfort in the loss of your best friend.

 

Allowing yourself the time to grieve is key. Move through the phases and embrace each one. The sad, the angry, the numb. I agree that loosing a dog is harder than a family member at times. In 2020 we lost a puppy who was but 6 months old in a tragic accident. And I used to blame myself for allowing it. I'm still missing my Sunny though.

 

When we got her ashes back I hiked to the top of Mount Royal and spread some of them for her. I then sat and wrote a poem for her. And cried my eyes out.


SUNNY

The smiles you brought us were endless
From the bites and licks you gave
To those big brown eyes you beheld unto us
Your love was unfettered and abundant
Just as your joy when you rose with the sun each morn
Your parting left us with a void
But each day we'll fill it with this remembered joy

To say your gone forever isn't true
Because forever in our hearts will always be you

Each day as the sun climbs high in the sky
It reminds us why
You would want us to move on smiling from your touch of shinning sun
Instead of grieving and being burdened with ties of sorrow
We'll do our best to find joy in all our tomorrows

Your days here were short
But your spirit will forever remain
In our hearts and minds that remember your fitting name
Sunshine and joy is what you brought home and sunshine and joy is what you'll be remembered for

May you rest in peace in mother Mary's grace
She'll be the one to care for you while you await our future embrace
For when you're ready to return here I hope you'll soon learn
that our love for you will carry on with each day's setting sun

 

Man, you and I are a lot alike in how we grieve for our dogs. I think I do feel a bit of resentment towards other family members who aren't responding in kind. I know I shouldn't. Almost like he didn't mean much to them but I know he did - obviously he was something else in my eyes. No one else had the connection to him that I did so it's stupid for me to expect them to react similarly.

I just feel like he requires more acknowledgement with his absence. Magnus didn't know how to handle kids when I first met PJ. Hell, I barely knew how. She had 2 little ones (who are now 11 and 14) and Magnus wasn't sure about either of them. When Wesley was born, we got him trained but they wanted him at their location for 2 weeks and I said no - he would need to stay at the house and they could come train him for however long then bring him back to me. They agreed and it helped him deal with social anxiety immensely. Just an example of how he coped with an ever changing environment and did it without protest - hell, I put up more of a fight to my life changing with a marriage and kids. I was a life long bachelor, and with Magnus, we were just 2 dudes enjoying our freedom in every aspect.

He changed his life and allowed immense adaptation while other dogs haven't been able to do so. Shelters get dogs brought back, ppl surrender dogs that cannot cope with newborns, other children, cats, other dogs, etc....

I guess all this is just my way of describing how amazing he was. All the more reason why I miss him beyond words can express.

You're right - there are times I'm fine and feel as though I'm getting through it but out of nowhere it hits me and I fall apart. I think my wife is worried. I don't know if she should or shouldn't be because I don't know how I'll feel next week or next month.

The subject of a memorial tat has come up and it was proposed by her, oddly enough. She has no ink and I have several. I am definitely doing it though - just need to settle on a pic and location. I'm kind of running out of places to put it as I can't show ink at work.

Thank you for your personal story. The online grief group I'm in for says it's helpful to know others are going through similar things - maybe because their words of encouragement carry proven weight. This thread, too, has helped a lot.

 

Beautiful words, man. I can't put words down that eloquently quite yet. I plan to though. Right now it's a jumbled assortment of random feelings. Scattered.

The dog I had before Magnus...I will never get over the self blame.

 

I don't have words to properly express how it feels. It sucks and it hurts to lose a friend as awesome as a dog. They are worth it and I don't regret it. I cherish the time I had with mine, actually. What has been the biggest help in my case; I've been actively grateful to have known the love and companionship of my dog in my thoughts.

Still, it's been nearly 2 years and seeing threads makes it all new again and I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. We grieve with you @texasrho83

 

I have a couple of ideas that I am thinking of.....more to.come buddy.

 

I shed a tear almost everyday I check in here. For you Charles and for all the pain that comes with loosing a cherished one. And for every dog owner who has grieved.

A chest piece would be where I would place him if you go for that memorial tat.

When Sunny passed I thought about getting a memorial tattoo but my wife didn't want me to. It was our first dog together and she didn't want the reminder to be on me. We have her urn on a shelf next to my mother's urn.

This lady on Etsy makes some amazing urns if you want something customized. https://www.etsy.com/shop/DawnsINKSpirations?ref=yr_purchases&search_query=Dog

Touching on what @Tripleconpanna said, we gathered up all of her toys and beds and could still smell her. It was devastating smelling her with her presence gone. We got rid of most of her things and only kept a few things that I couldn't bear to part with. I kept her leash for some reason but refused to use it with any of our new dogs. I still have it on my shop bench. It took us almost a year but we ended up getting another dog. A pure bred chocolate lab this time as we couldn't think of trying to replace Sunny with another GSD. Then we rescued a dog shortly there after. They have helped us heal but in no way replace our love for Sunny. Dogs are just special. Each and every one of them.