Seeking some guidance with work / kid stuff

This is a book, a lot has been omitted to be honest, otherwise it would be an encyclopedia.

May sound wrong, but before I go down to H.R., or talk to my direct supervisor and hang myself, I figured I'd test the waters if anything that can be done here since there appears to be a good mix of HR and other professionals. To begin this is just my opinion since I work at a government agency and retaliation is a thing, even though they claim it isn't, just ask me how I know.

For starters, I like to deal with problems at the lowest possible level with the offending party before seeking a need to escalate things, but this may be out of my hands in a way, we can say it's work related as stuff is shared on site. When I started working here, I was trained by this guy, and he would constantly complain about his stepdaughter. I got to a point where I asked him to stop, and I was pretty indifferent to what he has going on. I was like if you're not happy or comfortable with her then get divorced and live happy by yourself, but he used his newborn as an in-between to stay in the relationship. I'm like people nut a disappear now a days you're not the 1st and won't be the last, and you can be active in your kid's life at a distance. Ultimately, he will cause more harm than good, but it's just my .02 cents. A couple of days later he showed me a video about the oldest scaring the baby by the stairs. He feels it's unsafe, and I would agree, so I suggested placing a gate by the stairs, but he refused to, claiming there is 1 downstairs, so I hit him with well, if the baby is unsafe by the stairs and that's your fear, then buy another gate and place it upstairs, or place the one gate wherever the baby is. Well, this fell on deaf ears since he just states well, she can make the baby tumble down the stairs. At this moment I realized he just wanted validation for his attitude and behavior I was like, I don't want to see any of your videos. I have my own issues at home and don't need to add to them. I shared some of these incidents with the wife and she became the human torch, wrapped me in the situation about me validating his behavior, so since I've clamed up about it, but him and I are just business items.

Like stated I've talked to this cat directly and hurt his feelings about it long ago and I accept this is none of my business, once he goes home and does what he does, I don't have any proof of anything extraordinary, just some abusive verbal language used at work, I don't know if he uses it at home, I assume he doesn't. I bring this up, since some of my subordinates have brought it up, they've expressed being uncomfortable with him bringing or mentioning stuff about his stepchild during work hours, these employees have a mix of children and no children. They've also asked if there is anything I can do referencing it, and I've searched on our H.R. site, but short of talking to them directly I'm sort of at a loss. In addition to them the cleaning crew, which are contractors, have also brought it up, that they would rather delay cleaning our area to evade talking to him, due to the fact he smears this little girl to whomever has a pair of eyes. Again, I do understand it's none of my business, but my worry is that a minor is getting abused, and we could've done something and now they're gone type situation.

For the record I'm a stepfather myself, my stepson is Autistic and is non-verbal and have been raising him since he was 4 years old, he is now 22 and I would go to war for him in a moment's notice. Either way, he was explaining to me that typical child behavior would irk him. Like waterfalling ketchup in her mouth straight from the bottle, her shaking her legs in the car, or not doing homework when she was told. This is typical behavior for kids, but losing your temper is probably the worst way to address an issue like that, but I'm not a therapist. In the end stories are just stories and we all have one. So, he continuously pulls out his phone and is now actively showing videos of cameras being placed in random places, pretty much spying on this girl doing 'inappropriate things'. I do believe she is 12 years old and has a mental disability from our previous conversations, and her father passed away about 5 years ago while taking a nap on the 10W in the middle of summer and parked his car deeper than the immediate shoulder in Arizona, probably TMI. Anyway, this cat has progressed to calling her 'that retard'. So, he'll log in to his Ring account and show his only friend who is a senior citizen in this case but am unsure of his stance. I continue to stay out of it, but what are my real options. I don't know where he lives, or I would probably drop an anonymous child protective service call, but I don't want to waste other people's time with bs.

Well, my previous supervisor did have an issue about it, but he was more hands off and no one was really complaining about it except him and I, once he retired, I succeeded him, and I guess it's now my problem in a way, I guess. Maybe I've turned soft, maybe this is just a rant, idk at this point.....

 

Ho boy. As you alluded to, this is a lot.

I will say this - the other concerns in this thread take a backseat to the abuse suspicion. I say this as someone who had the sh*t beat out of him as a 5-12 year old growing up by his dad's second wife. As such, there's not a lot I wouldn't risk in the interest of ensuring a child is taken care of. There's a lot more I could say, but...you get the point.

If it were ME, not knowing the specifics, and knowing that I too am a gov't employee, I'd personally start by engaging a LCSW (licensed clinical social worker) or a friend who happened to be an LEO, OUTSIDE of my job environment, and spitball this situation and see what they said. I'm not even saying this is the 'correct' thing - I'm saying that I imagine this is more their 'lane' than a gov't IT nerd like me.

Past that, I'm sure there are others on this site who will be able to give better information than I.

 

I agree with this.. child safety is the primary concern here, I just don't have those types of friends in my inner circle. Which is why I'm posting here

 

Working at a government agency, you should have access to victim advocate resources. There are different reporting avenues that can or can not shield your identity from the accused. Generally these are more geared to a specific kind of abuse, but I bet verbal & emotional abuse (especially when concerning a child/minor) would fall into their scope.

 

This may be more directed to a local government agency type program than a federal one. Our abuse program is more directed towards fraud, may need to take it up with an OIG.