From The Desk of Mike Sweerg

To: Design and engineering team for Toyota Tundra, Toyota Motor North America.

From: Mike Sweerg, Executive Chief Engineer Toyota Tundra.

Subject: 2022 model year audio system generated interior sounds.

CC: @Darkness

Alright team, it has been brought to my attention by Darkness that a lot of our customers are raving about the piped in engine sounds in the new 2022 Tundra with the JBL audio system. Customers love this feature so much that we have put together some focus groups of recent 2022 buyers to gather feedback on what else we can do to improve the ambience of the cab.

As mentioned by @Darkness we could incorporate some sounds and even haptic response upon door closure. This sounds like a great idea and we can expand on it as well as use it to differentiate the various trim levels.

With this in mind the leading proposals based on customer feedback indicate that we should implement the following:

1. Tundra SR trim will get piped in audio going forward for both engine sounds, door closure, and window operation. We’re very excited about the window operation piped in sound, more on that in a minute. The piped in engine sounds will mimic the interior sound of a naturally aspirated 2.4L inline 4 cylinder engine with a moaning thrashy exhaust note. Door closure sound will imitate that of a 1970’s US domestic economy car. Lastly the windows being operated will pipe in a loud screeching sound like the glass is dragging on sharp metal.

SR buyers didn’t actually request any of this, but upper level trim buyers expressed disdain for these poors, and frankly we don’t want to build this trim level anyway. So discouraging purchases is the goal.

2.) SR5 and Limited trims will share piped in engine noise that is currently used mimicking the sound of the prior V8. SR5 customers felt left out not having the engine noise, so we will charge them more money and add it on. The SR5 already costs as much as a Limited in reality once any options are added, now it will cost even more and offer even less. Our SR5 customers are so stupid they won’t even notice.

No door or window closure sounds will be added, because frankly there’s nothing wrong with the actual doors or windows.

3.) Platinum and 1794 Tundras will upgrade to a new piped in engine sound replicating a large displacement V8 with a tasteful free flowing drone free exhaust. We pretty much recorded a GM 6.2L V8 and piped in that noise.

Door closure sounds will mimic a Lexus ES350, with a distinctive bass thud on closing.

4.) TRD Pro will get piped in engine sounds of a blown high power V8. Even though the TRD Pro is slower than a V6 Camry doesn’t mean our buyers don’t want to pretend the truck is actually fast. With that in mind the engine noise will be played at maximum volume at all times. Like everything else on the TRD Pro the engine sound will write checks the actual truck can’t cash.

Door close sounds will replicate the tinny hollow sounding doors of a race car with no sound insulation.

5.) Capstone Tundras will get piped in engine sounds of a V12 luxury car. Whisper quiet.

Same for door close sounds.

Capstone buyers waiting on their trucks also wanted us to flog the peasants buying lower trim levels, but we declined to do that. We did agree to have the voice activated Toyota infotainment address them as “Sire” or “Master”.

 

*secretly obtained internal memo from the desk of Mike Sweerg*

May 15, 2024

To: Design and engineering team for Toyota Tundra, Toyota Motor North America. Powertrains Engineering and production team, Toyota Motor Manufacturing Alabama.

From: Mike Sweerg, Executive Chief Engineer Toyota Tundra.

Subject: Upcoming 2022 and 2023 Toyota Tundra iForce (V35A-FTS Type ‘21) engine recall; process for remedy and best practices.

Alright team, thank you for all of your hard work to this point in pumping out record numbers of new Tundra’s into the hands of our loyal customers. I know everyone is busy with their work on the model year 2037 mid cycle refresh for the 3rd Generation Tundra, but we will need to put that on pause because the power train engineering team has discovered a failure trend in the V35A-FTS that is consistent, and has now been chased down to a root cause.

Next month we will be issuing a voluntary safety recall on

$16 2022-2023 Cup Holder Divider and Hide for 2022+ Toyota Tundra, Anti-Tipping Insert (Matt Black)

2022-2023 Toyota Tundra pickup trucks with the iForce engine. Apparently someone didn’t program the robots correctly in the engine assembly plant that clean machined engine parts.

This will require an all hands on deck effort by all of you to keep me from getting fired. Requiring you all to work countless hours and sacrifice time with your loved ones is a cost I’m willing to accept.

With that in mind we are laying out some best practices and procedures to push down to our dealers to remedy all of these junk motors. Don’t worry the dealers will all 100% go along with this; if they proved anything the last 4 years it’s that they have no morals or honor when it comes to customers.

1.) We are going to claim we are replacing the entire engine assembly, and this will mean a short block that the dealer technician will assemble into a complete engine using left over original parts. Each kit will include a set of bore brushes for the technician to scrub all oil passages with prior to reassembly.

2.) Even though we know this will take most technicians upwards of 24 hours of labor, it will have a book rate of 12 hours to save us money. Dealers will like this because they hate their employees almost as much as their customers.

3.) We will fight rental car reimbursement claims or loaner vehicles to save money. Of course this is at the dealers discretion in the case of service loaners, but we will officially let them know that all CSI scores for service will be waved during the recall campaign. In fact we will encourage dealers to stonewall and obfuscate in all dealings with affected owners. If they go away or give up on the recall process we can save an enormous amount of money.

4.) The power train engineering team and warranty actuaries agree that the trucks will all get a new ECU map upon completion of the work. To increase longevity and reliability the engines will make 285HP and 350ft-lbs of torque going forward. This is projected to reduce future warranty claims by 38.3% going forward.

5.) There will be some downtime at the San Antonio plant and we can’t let it go to waste. With that in mind some agreed upon cosmetic improvements to the Tubdra can be rolled out early for the 2025 model year Tundra.

The new Chrome Appearance package with 22” chrome wheels, extra chrome trim on the grill and front and rear bumpers will be implemented. We expect this to be a popular option so SR5, Limited, Platinum, 1794, and TRD Pro trucks will all be produced with the new package for Q1 and Q2 of 2025, with the second half of Q4 2024 also seeing the new package. There are too many TRD Off-Road package trucks on dealer lots right now so that package is suspended until Q3 of 2025.

All other issues have been found to be without merit. For example window seals, front seat bottom trim, badges, and other customer reported issues are all made up nonsense. The concerns of people who have too much time on their hands waiting on tow trucks. We will however be covering all of those parts in chrome to assure our loyal customers that changes have been made.

That is all I have right now. Get to work.

Mike Sweerg

 

They’re being generous for 12 hours! I was expecting to only make 5 hours! (In all seriousness though, it sounds like it’s complete engines. No clue if the turbos are on it or not.)

 

Made my morning.

 

Someone has waaaay too much time on their hands.

 

I am starting to think Coal Dragger is this person.

 

That there is funny! Funny 'cause it's true?!

 

Mikes not in charge of the tundra anymore, there is a different boss

 

Sheldon Brown is in charge. He did the Tacoma.