The Campfire

Just remember, always start them by hand, then bring out the duggas!

 

I'm driving home this morning under a Bob Seger sky before day break.

I'm jamming out, snapping my fingers, groovin', shmoovin' even, tapping the gear shift along with the beat of the song below.
https://youtu.be/9hhVnRTNVmM

I'm just in a great mood. One of the better moods, and days I've had in a while. I'm living it up, and enjoying the moment. I decide to take a picture of the sky.


As soon as I crested this little hill, and put my phone down in the passengers seat... One of them Got Damn kamikaze deers decided she'd make a run for the otherside of the road about 75 yards in front of me.

I mashed on them brakes, and laid in on this shrill horn. I went from running 60MPH to about 25 in what felt like half a second. She decided that a Corolla with more Lumens than the sun, screaming at her like a spoiled crumb snatcher who isn't getting their way was not right for her, and she turned her cotton tail round and made her decision.

​

The Corolla Virus lives another day.


I sped back up to 60, and decided to make a gif while I pondered all that had just transcribed.


I'd decided that absolutely nothing was gonna break my stride today.
https://youtu.be/_k4Bp6hI1aw

 

Mom, and I were coming back from a grocery run in the corolla. As I approach a Four way intersection the light turned yellow. Naturally, I slow down, and come to a stop at the red light. Mom, and I are making small talk about events of the week happening, and other family dealings while I watch the rearview mirror.

This brand new Honda Civic, blacked out, sharp looking little car comes flying up our back door, so I inch forward into the intersection incase we were impacted it wouldn't be so bad. The front wheels of the corolla are now 6 inches over the white line. Obviously in the intersection. I can't see the light anymore, and it must have turned green. The sun is directly behind the traffic light from where I'm at. No one on the otherside of the inspection. So I wait.

I'm watching the chicka in the Honda behind me. I figure she's about my age. Early 20s, and very very entitled as she had all her tiktok make up on. Zulu War paint. She's getting frustrated so I surmise that the light was now green, and I verify that using the other traffic lights as they were red.

I pull up, and start to make my way across the intersection, and she must have matted that little car. She whipped around to our right, and cut off another car. She stopped, and rolled her window down. She screamed at us. "What did YOU say? Because I can't hear You!" I stopped the car in the middle of the intersection.

Mom, and I looked at each other, and then I gave her the thousand yard stare. Here I am, covered in ATF fluid, hot, sweaty, tired, and now annoyed. My eyebrows started twitching, my nostrils flared, my arms tensed up, my blood pressure rose, veins in my neck started popping out, and for half a second I seriously considered throwing that car in park, getting out, dragging this entitled bitch out by her God damned hair, slamming her brainwashed head on her brand new hood, and shoving my size 13 steel toe boot so far up her fuckin ass her dentist might find it if she were lucky. I wanted nothing more than to hit this sarcastic qUiRkY C*nt with a bottle. In this moment, I was a different Noah. I was the old Noah that I used to be. The one that I worked so hard to get away from.

She screamed at us again, "Okurt" and sped off into the distance. I sighed, and finally crossed the intersection. I pressed in the cigarette lighter, and reached for a smoke. It popped up letting me know it was ready for use. I reached down, and extracted it from the 12V plug. I lit my smoke, and took a long drawl off of it. I exhaled, and a realization hit me.

I really have changed from how things used to be. I'm really not as mean as I once was, and I no longer fight at the drop of a hat. I guess I have "matured."


I'm not sure who was in the wrong, her or I. I couldn't care less. The situation has ended, but the realization will stay, as will the memory.

 

But was she hot?

 

I am proud of you….using this the correct way and NOT saying ‘I could have cared less’.
Also I love your descriptive stories.

 

Those sort of epiphanies are what prove we can become wiser than we were.
Love your stories!

 

No, not really. Her attitude was off putting, and she reeked of stanky butthole due to long fake nails.

Eye mey knot hav ull muh toofers butt eyes cun spieels n grnmars

Thanks to both of you. I hated writing in school, but really enjoy it here. I love being able to tell stories in this format. I just wished I was as good at telling stories in person as I am through text.

 

@Squatting Pigeon @ColoradoTJ

I've noticed that some of the "off-topic" discussions aren't showing up on the portal index when new posts are added. I didn't see the meme page, or this one in the "recent" threads on my last posts there.

Is it because I'm on mobile, or is there something that's been "updated" on the forum?

Curiosity killed the cat situation?

For example, latest post on the meme page
https://www.tundras.com/threads/non...ost-your-refuse-here.22/page-799#post-2280818

Which didn't show up on the portal.

 

Oh, I see. Well then, is the green room the right place for this thread?

I really wasn't sure what it was for when I made this thread. I figured it was similar to getting the green light for a TV show and the like.

 

Gotcha, Can you move this thread there then? There's got to be at least a few more people here who have a few stories to tell.

 

Thanks! I owe you a beer!

 

I hated writing and English enough in high school that as a senior I was in English 2, 3, and 4 because I never did any of it.

Fast forward 20 years and I passed comp II in college with a 92. Go figure.

 

Fly out to KY sometime, and I'll show you the sights. Take you to the Pink elephant.

https://www.roadsideamerica.com/tip/61323

It has forward facing eyes indicating a predatory nature, and skin has turned Pink from too many shrimp scampi dishes at local Mexican restaurant.



https://youtu.be/oJIkBSaGiG0

 

I stopped to take a picture of it just for you @Squatting Pigeon

 

So I'm in a bit of a hurry to get to work because nature is calling my name. I stop at the local gas station on my commute, and hastily make my way to men's room. When I open the door, there are two grown men at the hand dryers directly across from the door in the small bathroom. The hand dryers are effectively right next to the only stall door.

I open the stall door halfway, and slip inside. I drop trow, and commence. I notice my left arm is getting warm so I look at my forearm.


I thought to myself, "Well shit." So I scanned the door and found the culprit. Broken coat hanger replete with my arm hair, and skin.



I conclude my business, and photographies. I get my two lunch items, and walk up to the counter. The cashier asks "will that be all hun?" I felt like Columbo.


I ask for the manager, and this young chicka from the register over comes up. I explain what happened while she's just fuckin mortified. I thought "she must be new." Then I brandished my still bleeding arm, and I thought she was gonna fall out.

I filled out an accident report, and explained to her while I'm trying to calm HER down that this was not really that big of a deal. I explained that I get cut, and hit all the time. Another one is of no consequence to me.

The manager chicka couldn't have been over thirty. Maybe mid-20s. Pretty cute too. I wouldn't have minded resuscitating her had she fallen out.

 

Since @Professional Hand Model brought it up... I never posted my latest brake Debacle story. For those of you who don't have a clue what I'm talking about, here's some back story in the quotes below.

Well, here's the scoop on my goofy goober help, and reason for it. Long story short, it's something I've always done with potential partners in life. An unspoken courtship ritual that I have. I see how well they can take direction, and how far I have to break things down in the explanation of "why are you doing this?"

In this particular case, the direction was not being followed very well as things were like ADHD crack head squirrel. First time I'd seen that behavior from this individual. I calmed her down, and resumed work again. Guess she thought that I'd freak out if it wasn't right which wasn't the case.

The "what are you doing this?" talk wasn't very long as there was already mechanics in the family so comprehension of why brakes need to be bleed was already there, what wasn't there was "HOW" So I explained what I was doing, and what I needed her to do. She had the easy job. Pumping the pedal.

I had the hard job. Wallerin around on the gravel getting pissed on as my inner MOJO was not with me that day. It has since returned, and things have been progressing with level head, and calm mind.


And a proper adjustment/upgrade to boot below.

 

Y'all gather 'round for this one. This is definitely NG.

I'd gotten off a 12 hour shift earlier than usual, but still later than I expected. Drove down the road a ways to get petrol, smokes and hot food. I get my fuel, and add all pertinent data to my corolla virus spreadsheet, and then add that to my thread.

I walk into the gas station at 3:52 am. It's just a chicka and I excluding the attendant. I walk past the hot box. No food. "That sucks" I thought. I walked past the cold box. No food. "Well, that blows." I thought. So I peruse the shelves quickly because I'm absolutely roasted from work.

I decide to pass on all the chips, and candy bars, and decide to get a single piece of two day old salted caramel brownie. Discounted to $2.01. Sweet-ness. I walk up to the counter, and it's covered in junk food. Yakisoba instant Ramen, Tony's frozen pizza disc, candy bars, odds, ends, pretty much everything but the sink. As I walk up the chicka said in a hateful manor from the back of the store "Um excuse me mr. white Maaan, that's my spottt." (Emphasis on the t on spot as she held that note.)

I back off from the counter, and just hang out by the cold box while I wait for her. The cashier flashed me a look that effectively said "Leave, get out while you can." So I decided to stay, and see what else happens.

The other chicka in the store is mixed, but complexion is on the lighter side. Short, probably 4'5. She's wearing Capri pants, grey shirt that read on the back "1st, 2nd, 3rd, Pre-K WHATEVER IT TAKES!" She's got a necklace on, and sharper image dolla store headphones on around her neck. Cord dangling loose. She also had on a wrist brace, and I over heard her tell the cashier that she had just sprained it a few days prior.

So as I'm waiting by the cold box, more, and more people come in to the store. They get their one or two items, and form a 10 person line behind me. This chicka turned around and said a line out of a Tyler Perry movie. "Um, yall are gonna have to wait on lil ole me, mmmkay?"

She went back to the shelves four or five times. Each time she returned with more, and more items. Eventually, she'd had enough. The cashier rang each item up one by one, and came to one item with no barcode to scan. No listed price. Cashier asked her if she could get the price for her, and chicka copped a Hella tude, but she eventually went to get the price. Finally, her total. All 6 bags rang up to a grand total of $77.83. She swiped her EBT card, and paid the remaining $23.71 in cash. Digging each coin out of her change purse.

There's 15 people in line behind me now. Some have started leaving. She put her change purse under her arm, and then picked up ALL 6 BAGS OF GROCERIES with her "sprained wrist" and left.

When I left the gas station she was loading all of her groceries in the back of a brand new 2021 Escalade. One guy hanging out of the passengers front window. Looked like he was bout to hurl. Couple more people in there, but windows were tinted so I couldn't make our details.

Jeez lady.

 

I don't even think gas stations are open at 4 AM here, never mind having 17 customers.

 

I ain't sayin a word!

 

@Darkness first story! @FrenchToasty will appreciate also.

I'm walking back from the shower house. I'm tooling along. Body wash, tooth paste, and tooth brush in one hand. Dirty underwear and shirt in the other. Pink towel draped around my neck, and a college looking guy said "I bet you ten bucks you don't know where the electric is." I stopped, and asked if he was talking to me. Three more guys emerge from the Armada to wait for my answer. The frat boy now bolstered by his friends said "yeah, I'm talking to you. I betcha ten bucks you don't know where the electric is."

I smiled this big ole grin, and said "My guy, you're in D-loop. This is primitive camping. There is no electric out here." He said defiantly "That's not what it says online!" I dropped the smile, and spoke from the diaphragm to make sure he heard me. "Now listen, there is electric here in the campground. Just not this loop. If you go over to the RV or camper sections like A and B loop there's a 110 outlet." He said "What the fuck is 110?" I knew without a doubt this guy was a fuckin yuppie. I explained "110 is just another way to say power."

One of the other guys said "Hey bruh you get them fuckin extension cords? Brah, we'll just run power from the shower house!" The guy speaking with me said "Naw, I only broght one, but we can go buy some more." I told them to have a good day, and proceeded with my walk back to camp.

They walked around their campsite for a few minutes, and then this 4Runner drove up. A few chickas piled out, and said "Why isn't the AC running? My hair is gonna Frizzz-uh!" The guy explained, and she got right back in the 4runner, cranked it up, and matted the gas. I knew in my soul that she was going to March straight up to the registration office, and raise 9 kinds of hell all unruly, and trashy like.

I know how easy going the officers, and volunteers are here as long as you're easy going. They give what you give. If you give them shit, they'll tell you to pound sand, and hit the road. I just wish I could see that piece of the story!

 

More development!

The 4runner returned. Drove the wrong way down the loop, and fast too. Whipped into the grass, and parked. Mamacita jumped out, and snatched up a couple of youngins. Can't be older than two years old. General chaos happening in their campsite as it's about to rain here.

They are hustlin, and bustling. Two park ranger vehicles ease through camp driving real slow. They ID the 4runner, and stop. They sit there for a minute, and flash their lights almost in unison. Everybody over there dropped shit, turned, and looked at them. I thought one guy was gonna book it!

The first park ranger said "Excuse me miss, is this your 4runner?" She said "Yeah that's mine. We're trying to get these kids all loaded up, and ready to go." The park ranger said "That's fine miss, but you can't park in the grass. You'll need to move it when you're done." She asked as the ranger was about to drive off... "So are you really a law enforcement officer?" He said "Yes ma'am. I'm legally able to fine, detain, or arrest under under the fullest extent of the law."

Her whole demeanor changed, and she was much easier to get along with. The ranger said "Have a good day miss!" He smiled, and drove off.

 

Should told him the Glamping is in the A and B loops…

 

I thought about it, but these fellers were already agitated. I knew their patience was wearing thin, and they looked to be of the violent sort. I don't want to get kicked out of here so I just bit my lip.

 

Yeah…tough to take the high road sometimes but also usually leads to better outcomes