The Campfire

Brb, going shopping.

 

Oh? I've done similar assemblies but the base and the upright came separate so I had to weld them together.

 

Was a little leery of posting my story until I saw the horse story. O_O

Whilst in the Navy (deployed w/the USS Enterprise), I was making rounds (I ran the ship's inspection program at the time). Suffice to say myself and a coworker or two found, uh, a few guys and a girl involved in some extracurricular activity on one of the smoking sponsons.

Fast forward to Captain's Mast, where they were all in trouble and going through the proceedings. Fleet Admiral on down to the commanding officer was there, etc. At one point, the girl made the mistake of saying "I don't get why this is such a big deal."

Before he could school himself, right in front of a whole crapload of officers and people, some guy muttered "Dude! You sucked 39 d*cks!"

 

This always comes to mind. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdT2Wbr5Ons

 

As some of you know, I bought a 2003 corolla yesterday as a commuter vehicle.

I went to the county clerks office today, and as usual there were three people doing clerkly things behind the counter. The first two were doing a great job with their duties in a quick, ans efficient manner.

It was my turn to go up to the counter, and I was stuck using beehive hair woman in training.
https://youtu.be/seF0-5RtCTk

She was an older gal. Late 60s, early 70s. Absolutely struggling with the "fancy pewter" as she called it. I felt as though she would have been running circles around the other two had she been using a manual cash register.

I stood there patiently waiting my turn to answer questions or give my autograph when needed. About 30 minutes later, I'm standing at the counter like a turd in a punch bowl. She finally asked for help when more, and more people started to come into the office. Her trainer who was not training... decided it would be quicker if she took over, and she did.

15 minutes later I was a legal beagle, and had to meander through the crowd that was waiting to get into the small office.

Beehive hair woman.

 

So we got back from a trip down to Dyersburg TN to see family, and spread the ashes of one of my great great (great?) uncles I never met at his favorite fishing spot.

Today, I zipped out to the local Wallace wurl wearing my classic Hot mom shirt.


I'm walking around Wallace wurl with my two tubes of lube, and am now just killing time. I stop in the automotive section and take a quick peekaboo. They've rearranged everything so it took me a minute to figure out where everything was. I finish up there, and head up front to self check out with my two items.

This older lady with no toofers looked at me up, and down, and smacked them gums together a few times. She said "You like hot momths?" I replied with "I sure do." She said "Good manth."

I was thinking... maybe I'm drumming up the wrong kind of business...

 

I blame the Crocs.

 

So two fridays ago a work compadre and I had to run to wacky world for some work related superglue needs. We did our business and walked out.

About 15’ out the door this younger guy approached us and asks if we can help him out, I immediately change course and keep walking briskly. My partner bites; the guy then starts to say “I need a witness, this is my stolen bike right here” my partner is then like ah hell no and joins me walking away. He tells me that as we were walking out a dude and a pregnant chick just walked into the store with helmets on, maybe that’s who got off the bike?
So we get ready to leave and notice the younger guy still approaching people and acting all weird, we drive away, but I turn around; this is going to be something good!
I find a good spot in the lot and park; we have perfect view of the bike and the front door. We keep asking each other; I wonder if those two that walked in came on the bike?
We see the guy opening the seat compartment and possibly starting it or just turning the lights on? Maybe he does have keys; maybe he wasn’t lying?
He’s now talking to some cotton top that took the time to listen; the one guy with the helmet walks out and walks up to the bike and is stopped by the younger kid, words are exchanged, arms are throw in the air, the helmeted kid tries to roll the bike back but the guy stops him……..then pulls out a gun!!!!!! All the while stupid Walmart security is watching like 15’ away!
More words are exchanged and the kid takes the helmet off and darts inside, pops out from a side door with pregnant girl, moments later 3 police show up, followed by 6 more flying in hot.
3 police drew down on guy who pulled the gun who complied and walked backwards and all that, they pulled the gun from his pocket and cuffed him and sat him down near the bike as they also were questioning helmet kid and pregnant lady.
The whole time we were like NOOOO WAY!!!!! We went back last week to talk to one of the greeters and see what happened, she wasn’t there yet.

 

Today, I woke up early. Did a few little jobs. Fabbed a revised light bar mount for the corolla.

I was going to do a few other outdoor activities, but it stated raining so I took a nap. Woke up later than normal, got dressed, made coffee, and hit the road a little early. Met pops on the way towards the highway. We stopped, and talked car to car in the middle of our one lane road. Ended up getting to the big road a little late, and was zooming towards town.

I pulled into the gas station, and went inside. Lots of people in line, but line was moving steadily. I got my breakfast, lunch, and found my place in line. I was number five. Number three was two little girls. Couldn't have been older than 8 and 9 apiece.

The line proceeds forward, and it's their turn. They have a medium cup of ice, a medium cherry slush, Mike and ikes, regular kit Kat, and a few other candies. Their total was $7.77. They only had a $5 bill. They hand the money up, and cashier says they don't have enough. One of the little girls goes out to their mommas car, and asks for a few dollars. She didn't have it so she came back in.

They started discussing what they could "live without." Whike they are talking I pull out my wallet, and get $3 out. I walk in front of the 80 Y/O Lady in front of me, and lay the 3 bucks down. The cashier flashed this big smile at me, and the little girls were cheesin too. They turned around and thanked me. This older lady behind me patted me on the shoulder, and said "You're a good man. Your momma, and daddy musta raised you right." I said "thanks" The whole time I'm thinking "I'm gonna be late for work if they don't hurry up." Smiling the whole time.

The cashier motioned if I wanted my change or should I give it to them. I motioned to give it to them with my finger. She did, and they went on their way. The old lady in front me paid for her stuff, and went. It was my turn.

The cashier said "You're such a sweet guy. I've never seen anybody do that before. Can I get your number?" I was thinking in my head. "I've talked with another of the cashiers here I went to school with. I trust them. They told me this chicka is batshit." I said "I'm flattered, but I'm talking to someone right now. I'm sorry." She said "oh, that's too bad. They must be a lucky girl."

I thought to myself... "let me fuck with her head." I said "He is a really lucky guy." Her jaw hit the floor. Made it to work about 4 minutes early.

 

After you walked out you know she thought "all the good ones are either gay or married."

 

Do you know why crocs have holes in them?

















It's where your dignity leaks out.

 

If I had any dignity left I wouldn't be posting these kinds of stories. I'm just glad to be able to make people laugh. Either at me, or with me. I don't care.

 

I'll laugh with you bro.

 

I'll probably laugh at him. Then again, I am kind of an asshole.

 

That's to be expected knowing you.

 

Oh, I'll laugh at him. Then do something equally stupid, so we'll laugh with each other.

 

The Wolf Girl of Devil's River


http://www.mysteriouspeople.com/Wolf_Girl.htm

 

Yeah, I do stupid shit pretty much on a daily basis.

 

You wrote the intro to that like @YardBird

 

I need to find the time to read through this, excellent thread. Noah has a real talent for writing.

After I find time to read this, I'll look for time to share some stories in a forum friendly way. I can even throw in some of the "Jun-yah tales". If anybody was on TS long ago you may have seen the wild and true stories about my old Samoan coworker.

 

What's dignity and where do I get some?

 

They sell it at Walmart I’ve heard

 

No idea.

 

@Darkness
Finished a side job today replacing faucet parts at a bar, which is now my 3rd time being there, first time was an emergency water heater leak and while I was there I made a list for other stuff, replaced water heater next day and returned today for the faucets. Pretty much same regulars there each time, today was no different. And of course the mouthy guy commented on how many times I’ve been there. I replaced both hot and cold ceramic cartridge thingys(hot was leaking bad but went ahead and did both) turned on the supplies and they held good, turned both sides on and off and they shut off but still had a small trickle into a dribble into nothing(no aerator) mouthy pipes up and says “it’s dribbling a little still” so I look at him and ask, when you stop, don’t you dribble a lil?
The lady next to him kinda flared her lip in shock/disgust, but then turns to him and asks, well do you dribble?! He got kinda red and quickly changed the subject…..

 

Moving my reply here because I'm telling a story @bmf4069

Most of the time at work I don't have the space for our provided impacts. It stays in my bottom drawer usually. Hand tools are key. Standard, and metric Jim-bobs! (Allen/Hex)

I have plenty of sockets, and plenty of wrenches. Most of the time I reach for my stubby 3/8 ratchet.

I like to be able to zip things apart, but go back together with hand tools now. I remember when I learned that lesson. We were replacing a clamping cylinder for a 10 ton press. Small unit. About 7 feet high. The bolts holding the clamping cylinder on were a 17mm Allen sockethead bolt. I have no clue what size thread that equals out to. A big boy! Bigger than most threads on a ball hitch!

I zipped the first three bolts in with the impact, and cross threaded the fourth. I about shit my pants. I talked with my supervisor who scolded me, and simply said "Fix it. I know you like to do it right. Just remember this moment for the future."

I scrounge around every damned tool box we had for a tap to clean the threads up, and we didn't have one anywhere near that size unless it was for piping.

I walked around defeated, pondering what to do for about 20 minutes when I had this epiphany. The hole is a through hole! I can use more bolts to clean up the threads going in from the bottom! Eureka!

I gathered my bolts, and the impact. I went back to the press, and started that big ass bolt by hand. I zipped it up with the impact, and then it struggled. The impact started smoking. Still giving it the ole ugga dugga. I backed it off, and changed bolts. Went again, and got a little further. I went through 3 bolts before I had those threads cleaned up. When I was done I just threw the bolts away. Smoked the impact too...

Hide the evidence! Fun times about 3 years ago!