Tundras live: Dumb Dad Jokes, Incorrect Opinions, Relationship Advice, and grammar lessons

Good thing you're not in charge.

 

I could take him.

 

Pretty sure he was just wanting a frosty Miller Lite also.

 

No

I don't put anything on my pulled pork. Unless it's a vinegar based slaw. I do use mustard before smoking though. And mustard based bbq sauces...

 

But he's twice your size.

 

I'm twice as prehistoric.

 

I don't drink, but this is perfect.

https://youtube.com/shorts/O6HTwSGHiNA?si=UjoNzt0RWxlv0h2o

 

Why yes bitch, that's exactly what I'm going to do... Now cook me some dinner

 

Double dog dare you to say that to your wife.

 

Oh hell no!!!!!
I'm not the brightest bulb on the tree, but I ain't that freakin' dumb!!!!

 

crap.

my credit card got hacked.

again.

how many times has that happened to y'all?





I thought it was because I ordered a level 100N life jacket, from Australia, to help float my non-floating ass.

FTR - normal Coast Guard approved water sports vests are level 70n.

I need that extra 30N....whatever that is.

 

Once. It was skimmed off a gas pump or the register at the gas station. Not sure which.

 

How would you know with your stellar accounting practices?

 

for Theatre of the mind:

See, I need most of the floaty stuff on the front.

When I raise my hands, right before the boat takes off......I sink.

This is my present solution.

This beauty is supposed to roll you over on your back and keep your head above water.

Aesthetics were not my concern.

Breathing air is.

we will see.....

I bet the kids will get a good laugh, right up until they see how good it works - and then want to use it.

 

I am definitely going to work this phrase into my daily usage of ridiculous phrases.

 

recently walked into a vendors back room. server room with nerds galore.

those yellow lensed computer glasses may work.

but, you look like an absolute tool wearing them.

 

Condiments:
I love my wife. Truly and dearly.
However, this is one of a handful of topics that makes me question how we ended up together.
Her primary go-to condiments are ketchup and ranch dressing. It's like a Frank's Red Hot commercial at our house, just substitute those two vile condiments. She puts that shit (those shits?) on everything.

Ketchup could be completely banned from this earth and I would be absolutely fine with it.

I don't mind ranch dressing though. On a salad. That's it.
It is not a dipping sauce for everything that can be dipped.

I am the only consumer of mustard in our house.

 

Shitty.
My debit card has been hacked a couple of times, not the credit card yet

 

Fried potato and onion products:

Fried anything: it better be crispy and not greasy.
Tater Tots are awesome. So are hash browns. Both are hard to screw up. If they're greasy you're doing it wrong.

 

I think you need a full body PFD.

 

Same. Twice on the debit card in the last 3 years.

 

no.

please don't conflate hash browns & tater tots.

Hash browns are awesome. crispy please.

tater tots are the devils spawn.

 

considered.

but the water is 87 degrees now....going to 91.

i would cook like a baked potato in that.

 

Sorry, child of the Midwest.
Tater tot hotdish was, and is, a staple.
Even better on their own, as long as they're crispy.

Just a slight difference in form and presentation between perfectly done hash browns and tater tots.

 

serious question:

what holds a tater tot together?

 

Starch.