Dear Abby...

I agree that it’s different for women. I have two daughters (20 and 17). From birth we have taught them to stand up for themselves and advocate on their behalf. There are ways to do that respectfully and without confrontation. If you’re saying that women are not able to stand up for themselves and ask someone politely to discontinue the advances for fear of a violent male reaction I guess we can agree to disagree. There are times and places where I would be a bit more discretionary to be sure. This isn’t one of them…..

 

You know what? You're right. It was made very clear that the wife is *NOT* a fan of the guy's actions. There've been times when my wife wanted to handle something on her own, and not worry me, and *THAT* is where my "NOW...if the wife has an issue with that...that's a different conversation to be had, of course..." comment came from. IOW, it wasn't meant to be an implication the wife likes the attention.

But did it come across that way? Yeah, I can see how it did. My apologies.

 

Nah you didn’t come across that way. Bottom line is that women absolutely should be able to respectfully tell a guy to back off and that should be the end of it.
The reality is it doesn’t always work out that way for them. Things have a chance to go very badly for them in situations like that.
I think the chances of that are higher with the kind of guy who would repeatedly bother a woman in a gym. The environment is going to have a higher percentage of men who would react aggressively than most places would.
Regardless, it can’t be tolerated. I’d just advise the woman to seek help in this specific case.

 

A gym was fun since i was in college & it was free. But i’m not gonna pay for it. There are rocks to move & dogs to walk.

&


lets see if she’s ‘asking’ for it.

 

A visual "no": Wedding ring. If that doesn't work or she doesn't wear one to the gym for any number of reasons, then a verbal "no" is necessary. If she is incapable of the verbal correction for fear of whatever (maybe stop letting him hug you for starters), then the husband needs to intervene. Verbal to start, visual (fist to his orbit - focusing on the maxilla and zygomatic bones) if verbal is unsuccessful. Maybe he needs to see is own right eyeball with his left eyeball.

I don't know the couple so speculation about their relationship is purely hypothetical and unnecessary. But to suggest that nothing should be done because gymdouche could react one way or another and that's different for men vs women is misleading. Yes, gymdouche could get stupid (refer to visual correction above), but if the situation was reversed, a rejected woman is equally capable of destroying a man's reputation and life with lies, deceit, and false accusations (thanks #MeToo).

Get the staff involved or workout at home.

 

My buddy's mentioned to her to just spell it out for him but she's apprehensive due to the unknown reaction. She definitely does NOT like it, but she's non-confrontational and hates drama.

He is ready to go in with her for a workout to make his presence known, and if the guy is there, have a chat, but he thinks the guy would back off if she'd just tell the dude "no thanks".

She's also under the impression he may be a tad "slow"....

 

We could all learn something from Paul.
No false bravado, machismo or other "bro" shit, just kindness and respectful honest appreciation for a pretty lady.

 

I love that story, Chris.

 

Exactly. Which is why my buddy isn't so quick to jump the gun and wallop this person at the gym. I think it's easy to fall into the online tough guy/keyboard warrior rhetoric, but contemplation followed up with educated decision making is ultra rare.

 

We could give so much better advice if we had a picture of gym bro. Is he a young, handsome Arnold Swartzeneggar looking body builder or is he some dorky mechanical weights guy who’s taking pilates classes? Is it asking too much for the wife to snap a quick pic for us?

 

Pretty sure asking her to take a pic of this guy would be a no go. Lol.....

She described him as a big goofy lookin dude, but definitely not a guy who is serious about going to the gym. He's also got a friend with him who doesn't seem to acknowledge his buddy's exploits because he's actually, you know, working out.

 

Now we are feeling sorry for him, nah. Need to introduce him to captain and Tennille

 

Captain. And Tennille.

 

Or Simon and Garfunkel.

Ike and Tina.

Hall & Oates.

 

I'm definitely a H&O fan.

 

Bo & Luke.

the Dukes.

 

This is the reason a lot of upscale gyms have areas for women and men to work out separately. Golds near here used to be like that. Not sure now since gym ownership/chains changes every so many years around here.