Tundras live: Dumb Dad Jokes, Incorrect Opinions, and Relationship Advice.

cuz it's got nuts

.... mounds don't

 

Driver's side grab handle installed

 

Don't forget the taint

 

I’ve been waiting YEARS to hear someone complete that saying! Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t.

 

I’m glad you healed up, and more glad that you survived! I hit deer once on the very first ride of my brand new 2005 KTM 450 EXC (years ago). Somehow i came out completely unscathed…especially with the lack of safety gear i was wearing at the time…an old crappy worn out HJC street helmet, sk8 shoes with no socks, Wells Lamont work gloves, and blue colored coveralls…with no t-shirt underneath and just a pair of underwear boxers. At about 30mpg the deer swept the front tire out from underneath me on a gravel back road. I kept my arms locked and the throttle going when it happened. I didn’t even bother hitting the brakes. I knew i was going to crash, so i was like, might as well go down in a blaze of glory. Then something very strange happened. My body never impacted with the ground…like at all. Absolutely zero abrasions on my body. The only thing i can think of is that i fell on the deer, which broke my fall. It was about 10pm and well after dark, so i couldn’t find the deer. I was planning on throwing it over my lap and take it home with me.

There’s LOTS of deer and elk where i live, so my head is constantly on a swivel when i’m riding both day and night. I’ve had quite a few close calls. Because of all of that, i have installed Baja Designs lights in every single one of my motos…and i got lots of motos.

My buddy and his wife hit a deer last fall on his KTM 990A Baja bike. They were traveling down a major undivided 2 lane lane highway at 65mph. The deer hit the bike pretty much dead center, just above the tire, and just below the headlight. The bike and riders when sliding down the road…into oncoming traffic, but luckily there was a slight lull of vehicles, so they didn’t get run over. The bike was totalled, but miraculously they both got to walk away from the crash. They did have bumps and bruises and were sore for a couple weeks, but nothing that Tylenol and ice packs couldn’t fix. And FYI, the deer is in his freezer, and his bike is in my shop getting rebuilt and repaired.

 

Letting you keep the deer is kinda cool. Out here you can't keep them unless you put a hunting tag on it during the season. I think it's a small consolation if you experience that kind of accident. Hopefully the dumb deer will start dying off and the smart ones that stay off the road will breed them out.

 

I went to buy a pair of camouflage pants today.


I couldn't find any.

 

How did the barber win the race?


He knows a short cut.

 

How do you make a tissue dance?


Put a little boogie into it.

 

RIP boiling water.

You will be mist.

 

Don't buy anything with velcro.

Complete rip off.

 

What do call a shoe made out of a banana?



A slipper.

 

I have a fear of speed bumps.


I am slowly getting over it.










I also have a fear of elevators, but I'm taking steps to avoid it.

 

Why did the whale blush?


He saw the ocean's bottom.

 

What does Jeff Bezos do before bed?

He puts his pajamazon.

 

I tell dad jokes, but I don't have any kids.


I'm a faux pa.

 

Never trust a tree.



They're shady.

 

What is the most popular fish in the ocean?


A starfish.

 

I've always admired fishermen.


They are reel men.

 

What has 4 wheels and flies?



A garbage truck.

 

What did the bra say to the hat?



You go on a head. I gotta give these two a lift.

 

Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?




They get lost at C.

 

What is Forrest Gump's password?






1forrest1

 

What do vegan zombies eat?




GGGGRRRRAAAIINS!

 

To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket:

You can hide, but you can't run!

 

What is a fake noodle called?





An im-pasta.

 

Have you ever had bad breakfast sausage?



It's the wurst.