Tundras live: Dumb Dad Jokes, Incorrect Opinions, and Relationship Advice.

The kids in my neighbourhood only show up looking to make money shoveling snow when we got like half an inch and it's +40 degrees and sunny. When we get 2 feet and it's -40, they're nowhere to be seen.

 

I assume the velcro gloves were because she wouldn't let him...

 

It's rodeo style. Have you never done?

Here's how:

1. Mount up from behind
2. Get a good grip in her hair
3. Get things moving and moan her sister's name
4. Hold on for the ride as long as you can

 

I would've straight told him, "Are you out of your fuckin' mind"??? "Now get off my lawn"!!!!

 

"And take the leaves with you!"

 

How TF did I end up in your rant again???

I'm surprised you agreed to put the one w/the Ducati on your signature line

No, No, Joel... (@TaquitoBandito ) that does not appear to be a Super Tenere

...and I can't possibly be depicted on the wrong bike

 

Is that sport bike a Ducati? IDK shit about sport bikes. The Godzilla on it looks badass though!

 

My perception of it wasn't a romantic gesture as much as exemplifying your kind spirit by offering another living being something that would leave it feeling appreciated and cared for...

 

Really living up to that rainbow banner there, eh? I think the velcro gloves would imply the opposite of your perception, but I appreciate the kind words. I promise, everyone that thinks I'm a nice guy winds up changing their minds and finding out that I'm a grumpy asshole.

 

What's wrong with your own kids?

 

Other variants are to say "you look just like youor sister/cousin/BFF from this angle"

 

Yes, but you're known for your tact. We can't all be as nice as you.

 

Want to piss the wife off?
Tell her she looks good for her age.
You'd think it's a compliment, but it isn't to them..

Someone at my wife's work told her that and she told them to 'fuck off'.
One the reasons I love her so much..

 

But if you want to reach Legendary level, you have to say “…your mom”

 

My first thought too

 

We are all grumpy assholes here. We don’t think you are nice in general, just in relationship to where we stand on the asshole meter.

I bet most of us would have to work very hard to reach your mark…

 

I have no idea how I forgot that one as much as it gets thrown around in the station.

 

yep. I pay my girls to pick our up.

 

My dogs don't shit in my yard

 

My version is:
Rodeo sex:
Wisper in her ear, "your sister does this better",
then try to stay on for 8 sec.

 

That works too.

 

WTF, all these years I've been doing it for free?
I have to do it daily now.
The new pup either eats it, or picks it up and runs with it like a toy..

Even though I have to bag it, I'd rather they drop it on their walk..

 

Sometimes I crouch down low, wrap my arms around my knees, and lean forward.

Cuz that’s how I roll.

 

For some reason AI gets all bitchy when you use proper names on some platforms.

 

Yeah, I think they are trying really hard to keep it from upsetting people (as it prepares to take over the world)