Tundras live: Dumb Dad Jokes, Incorrect Opinions, and Relationship Advice.

Sugar hill gang, 1979, rapper's delight.
That was the song that inspired kids to "rap" through the early 80s. That was the song that kicked off RunDMC and took what was done on street corners to mainstream.
All that garbage from the 90s, especially that "gangster" garbage from SoCal wasn't even close to being old-school.
I don't like rap, but I am a fact Nazi.

 

If you just want 'old' rap, maybe Jerry Reed should be in contention. It's shit, but it's rap. 1971.

 

Ugh. Take that "aboot" shit back east where it belongs.

 

I forgot about that. I liked that song. Apparently Jerry Reed invented rap, not Blondie.
https://youtu.be/pHCdS7O248g?feature=shared

 

Blondie was definitely hot. I only got to see them once live. That chick's for sure newer, not sure she's hotter. That's like comparing then and now. She is hot though.

 

Hot blondes on heroin...

 

Has this really gone 14 hours without a post?

 

Apparently the “Blondie on Crack” video got everyone distracted…

 

I think it’s one of those Chinese New Years - all of the hackers and bots took the day off.

I knew @GODZILLA was too raunchy to be real.

 

K, story time.
So, back in May, was doing the shit show commute home and got to a spot where there's an on-ramp and a couple overpasses. It gives the illusion that it bottle necks so, naturally, being the dumb animals that people are, everyone tends to slow down through there. Point is, no one was doing 70 or tailgating. Everyone was just doing mid 50s, following the flow, etc.
Just before that, there was an idiot in a Subaru with Mass plates, shit stacked 5' high on the roof rack, doing 45 in the left lane and drastically fluctuating speed. I get it, you're not from around here. But drive like a retard in the right lane. Forced me to pass in the right lane to snake around the stupid. I hate when people make me pass on the right.
Moving on.
30 seconds later, I get to the bottleneck and some other asshole comes flying down the on-ramp at least 70, tried going from the far right merge lane, directly into the left lane, all in one motion without changing speed.
He was ahead of me, so I took my foot off the gas. He got half way into the left lane and must've peeked in his mirror and saw me, because he jerked back into the right lane. I figured, okay, idiot saw me, he's gonna stay where he is. So, I got back to maintaining speed and closed the gap a bit.
Not 5 sec later, there's maybe 2 car lengths between me and the car in front of me (if you leave more space, people constantly switch lanes and squeeze in), this idiot suddenly decides he need to be in the left lane and cuts in front of me with no blinker or any indication whatsoever. Not even a look over the shoulder. No reason as both lanes were moving at the same pace and he gained nothing.
Well, and I am not even remotely exaggerating, within 2 seconds of him cutting in front of me, before I could finish calling him a stupid cork soccer, his brake lights were on and the ass end of his shit caravan was up in the air and he was stopped. Some 18 yr old kid driving his dad's pickup was fucking with his phone, realized he was on someone's ass and stomped the brakes. The twat waffle behind him in the little Nissan slammed her brakes and the fuck who should've been an abortion behind her slammed his brakes.
It happened so fast that the collision warning went off AS I was smashing into the back of him. That's how much time elapsed between him cutting me off and the morons ahead slamming their brakes.
So, I put my hazards on, get out, ask if everyone's okay, naturally he he told his wife to hold her head and say her neck hurt and the 13 yr old kid in the back seat with no belt on was fine. Then he says his car is dead. So, I told him I'd leave my truck where it is to be a buffer in case another moron came along. Meanwhile, the 18 yr old kid is hiding in his truck and the wacko cvnt in the Nissan is trying to get everyone to get in her car with her to take cellphone pics of insurance cards because the sun was too bright and she couldn't see her phone screen. Not kidding.
Listen retard, we're sitting in the left lane at 3:30 pm, in a bottle neck accident trap and commuter traffic is getting heavier by the minute. I call 911, tell them to send 2 flatbeds and an ambulance. And a trooper to make a report so I can get it documented for ins. So, I get off the phone and I ask the guy if his van will start. Now all of a sudden he doesn't speak English well. He gets in his van and seems confused about where the ignition is and how the car starts. I'm telling him to see if it starts and he has his window up and acting like he's confused and can't hear me. Losing patience now (this is retard who's fault this is). I bang on the window, roll the window down! Start the car, put it in drive and pull it forward 2 feet to see if it moves! It does. Meanwhile, the whore in the Nissan says she can't stick around because she has an appointment. I'm still ignoring her. I start the truck and work my way over to lock traffic so that myself and fuckwad can get over to the shoulder. Bitch took off and the kid in the truck didn't know what to do, so he followed us over to the shoulder.
10 min later, 2 fire trucks, 2 troopers, an ambulance and a flatbed show up.
One trooper just sat in his car and the other trooper walked past everyone, talked to the kid (and his mom who showed up) and on his way back asked if anyone got the phone number rn the bitch that left. I said no, I was a little busy, but I did take a pic of her license plate. I then handed him my papers and he said, this will be a few minutes. Meanwhile, I'm sitting on the concrete wall/barrier, watching my truck getting loaded onto a flatbed and a woodchuck comes jogging along the wall. I just sat there. It got within 2 feet of me before it noticed I was there, then jumped and took off the other way. The other trooper was sitting in his car and noticed it. We looked at each other and smiled.
15-20 min later, asshole trooper comes back and hands me a report and 2 tickets. 1 for following too closely and 1 for imprudent speed. Fuck you. I'm the one who called you idiots and you wrote a report without even taking a statement? He seems annoyed and says he already asked me what happened. Fuck you, you asked me if I had retard's phone # and walked away.
Well, deal with it in city traffic court.
So, I go to the first date and the frumpy fuck prosecutor shows up 20 minutes late with a wrinkled suit. It's my turn and the dumb fuck not only won't look at me while he's talking to me, but he's monotone mumbling like a depressed teen goth girl. Asks if I want it reduced to a parking ticket. Fuck you.
Second date, no cop. They ask if I want it adjourned. Again, they're all miserable. Sorry you suck at what you do and got relegated to shitty traffic court. Not my problem. Yes I want it adjourned. Fuck you.
3 Rd date this morning. Cop doesn't show up. New judge. Asks if I want it dismissed. Yep. Thank you, have a nice day. Suck a bag of dicks.
Shop had my truck for 4 months. Got yelled at by management to hurry up (not because of me, because of turnaround) so they rushed to button it up. There's some issues,but I'm going to fix them myself. Nothing major. Not worth taking it back. All the important shit is okay. About $20k in damage.
Thought that would be good for coming out of a 14 hr thread silence.
Now back to regular scheduled posting.

 

Yep.
And I want a fucking bronze statue of me put up, with a plaque that talks about what a fucking saint I am,.......for all the people that I didn't murder in my lifetime.

 

When my wife and I first got married and were somehow even poorer than we are now, we were renting a shitty little farm house on a farm east of Austin. The major Farm Toad going through there had this crazy long curve and it was just a big field on both sides There was a road that bisected the curb with a stop sign.

We we sitting at this stop sign one day and this dude comes flying down the road in an old crappy cutlass. Instead of turning with the curb, he just drives straight into the field. Grass and shit are flying up in the air and he stops about 100 feet into it.

We drive over to make sure he’s okay. I get over to the car, he rolls down the window and he drunkenly yells out “DID YA SEE THE SIZE OF THAT WABBIT!!!” and then guns it back road, dirt and grass flying behind him.

Fucking people.

 

Having hot wings and tots for lunch. Not a fork in sight. @T-Rex266

 

No wonder you're a cantankerous old coot. I would be too after dealing with that level of bullshittery.

Aw hell, start a GoFundMe. I'll kick in a couple bucks for it.

 

I did. Fat fingered it because I had a wing in the other hand.

 

At the expense of sounding like a whiner,
This shit has been following me around all my life. I never lie, cheat, steal, always bust my ass, always put in an effort to do a good job at anything I do, try never to owe anyone anything and always try to help.
Maybe it's not that shit follows me around, maybe it's just that dishonestly, bullshittery and self-serving laziness is constantly everywhere and it only bothers me because it scrapes against my grain.
Anyway, I try to make fun of everything, including myself. Otherwise I'd be in the nut house, jail or rehab. That story above is just another episode. Probably one of least stressful dumb shit things I've dealt with.
Honestly, the worst part is that I found a super low mile 21 without a spec of rust and only had it 2 months when this happened.
I'm gonna go on record and say that another 2.5 gen DCLB with 4k mi and spotless will never be seen again.

 

Like a true married couple.

 

She has all the blankets and toys?

 

Roofers are finally putting on shingles. It's given me a huge headache, but two of the roofers are firing off the nail guns to the cadence of shave-and-a-haircut, which makes it at least 1% bearable.

 

Not sure how I feel about these fudge brownie m&ms

 

How long could a person survive eating nothing but little candy bars?