Tundras live: Dumb Dad Jokes, Incorrect Opinions, and Relationship Advice.

You will not be disappointed....

Hell, that's what sealed the deal w/my wife...

We were out (while still dating), and I told her I was craving a smoothy; she said she was hoping for something a little stronger

(for context we are in her car)... anyhow, we stop somewhere, and I order an orange mango smoothy. It comes out, she says it looks good and orders one for herself. I said I thought you wanted something stronger; she replies (toward the counter), "can you leave a little room"....

She gets her smoothy, we walk out to her car, she opens the back and takes one of those little sample bottles of vodka out of her bag, dumps it in, and says, "There... perfect!"; then tosses me the keys and tells me I'm driving!!!

 

This is better.....

 

So... I'll give you another funny w/my wife from back when we were dating (also alcohol related)

So, she invites me to her house for dinner for the first time (at this point we've been going out for a couple of weeks). I show up a bit early (only because I thought that was the polite thing to do), and she greets me with, 'Hi, you're early'; then tells me to make myself at home as she is going upstairs to clean up real quick and says she'll be back down to make dinner shortly....

She's gone about 5 minutes, which is about 2 minutes after her damn border collie bites me in the leg (I miss that little guy).... and I decided to look in a couple of her cabinets to see if she happens to have any peroxide or such sitting around to wash out the bite (it's not bad but did break skin). So, one of the cabinets I open (a very large one) is STUFFED full of liquor, and it's all a bunch of weird random shit... liquors, whiskeys, vodkas, gins, tequilas.

So, she comes back down, and I start off w/telling her about the fun her border collie and I had while she was gone. She apologies, but says she warned me that the border collie didn't like dudes in pants (I thought that was just a ploy to get me naked ; well I wasn't going to fall for that shit )... anyhow we get my leg cleaned up and she starts cooking dinner.

I then decided to mention the liquor cabinet. So, I tell her (jokingly) that while looking for something to clean up my leg I came across her liquor stash. She plays it off and acts like it's no big deal.... I then open the cabinet (you know for proof of my next statement) and tell her that I'm pretty sure I'm dating an alcoholic, and she calmly responds back with, "No silly... if I was an alcoholic that cabinet would be empty"

 

If beer is fermented, why do I need to drink Kombucha??

 

Happy fifth Monday eve!

 

and it's just started.

 

Quite the money shot there... been waiting a while eh?

 

Also, on an unrelated note, I may be a rich woman on a diet.

 

@T-Rex266

 

Nice!

Just started snowing here, 7-12" expected through tomorrow.

 

Sometimes when I drink to much, I get trex arms, I don’t know why.

 

It’s usually rex arms, with a combo of taking just one shoe off.

 

You party animal. I hope this happens in Sedona #t2sprep

 

Anyone else on nights?

 

*chirp chirp*
It is nighttime here if that counts……

 

Sedona isn’t very flat or smooth…… I might just be laying on the pine needles if I get too deep.
#t2sprep

 

Shit, not even the crickets spoke up. Too cold here.

I'll probably just have yootoob going to keep my brain alive then. Really hoping it's a quiet shift. I feel pretty spent already and if SHTF..... I really don't want that.

 

What did you do wrong to have to work overnights?

 

Not for a couple more weeks, @tripleconpanna is always on nights.

 

What a lucky guy..