Toyomafia - The Clubhouse. 151.880

All right Goodfellas…

I have a new business plan, but I may need y’all’s assistance.

I’m going to buy a nice suit and go into a random successful office building and start giving people orders. Once I establish myself as boss, I’m going to bring on new hires. After my power is established, I’ll begin slowly firing all the old employees. after everyone has been replaced I will be the proud owner of a new company.

Good plan.

 

i've done it twice so far. once to a neighborhood kid's lemonade stand. the other to a girl scout cookie table. the girl scout cookie was the hardest since i had to bang all the moms to fully infiltrate it

 

I swear my tiny violin is around here somewhere...

 

You seem to think you're limited to just one knife. A wife is fully justified in having a 6" chef's and a 9" chef's, and her husband is fully justified in having a matching set of his own that the wife can't touch. Ask me how I know... I own two identical (less than stellar quality) 8" Santoku knives for the sole reason I'm too lazy to pull my whetstone out more than once a month. I want my knife drawer to embarass the iron throne.

 

Can't go wrong with throwing knives, I always have a few on hand especially when I know I'll be driving through Grant and alvernon.

 

side note....every knife is a throwing knife

 

Don't forget the power of eyebrows and knife hands. Use business terms like 'deliverables' and 'outcomes', and don't forget to accuse people of shit they didn't do from behind their backs.

 

I just want him to hire me and immediately give me a severance package.

 

You sure you want to throw out the term 'severance package' in the middle of a raging conversation about knives?

 

Let me know if you want an assistant. I can stand there and say stuff like “ Boss, your flight leaves in 30 minibus, you can fire all these hacks from the plane”.

 

There's three pins within an hour or so drive from me. You didn't even stop in for a whiskey? Dude. Ouch.

See, that almost makes sense. One problem though. Everyone knows it's the janitor and office admin lady who really run a company and know all the secrets. You need to make sure you get them on board from day 1.

 

Cruising through the thread and I see something about somebody getting married, blood grooves, knives being stolen by the USPS, maps with pins, Fotnot dorking moms (you're gonna wear down your friend into a little nub), and Oreo Cookie beer... At this point, I'm getting so far behind that it's like being in a foreign country where they don't speak english - I'm just listening for my name.

Please just assume that I've liked all of the posts preceding this one.

 

Bro!
That shit is impressive!
Girl Scouts are like the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad of all nonprofits.

 

If I can’t pull something out to slice a piece of paper in half while laying flat, creating two identical thinner sheets of paper, I’m pissed.
My wife knows that her set of knives are the Henkels in the block.
Don’t touch my nice shit!!

 

After sticking that steak knife into the door from 20’, I’ve come to realize…
Any knife is a throwing knife.
Some just work better than others.

 

Agreed.

 

I’ll have the entire work staff threatening each other’s lives within a week.
I have powers.
The Corporate synergy will be one of the Hunger Games.

Once I deep dive into the core competency to incentivize and amplify thinking outside the box, in order to move the needle, we will unpack the deliverables to drill down and ping the bandwidth resulting in less disruption of work flow and ideate a plan to prevent the out of pocket expenditures to slow the bleeding edge while keeping everything in our wheelhouse, making all deals like low-hanging fruit.

 

We can work through that.
You’ll have to do… things.

 

You didn't mention anything about a hybridized approach to cloud migration. Cloud. It's so hot right now. Cloud. I definitely don't want to punch my CIO in the balls any time he talks about it.

 

This is excellent and exactly what I need.
A CEO prop-man.
Can you start Monday?

 

So you've been to one of my company's leadership meetings? Let me know next time, and we'll play corporate lingo bingo.

 

That’s been done.
You should see my stockpile of 409 and candy bowls.

 

Stickers man!
And now more gear!!

How did you miss the important things?

 

Cloud is what I do. My job is literally inciting violence between C-suite and IT and watching people punch each other in the balls.

 

It was a hit and run kinda thing. Left phone at home so no tracking. Plus, that was when you where on your week long work stretch.

 

That’s like saying “Water is wet” or “I woke up with an erection” - some things are just assumed.

 

Fair enough.

 

I had to give my “Lingo Bingo” card up.
Everyone kept getting angry about me winning every time.


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P.S. I just Copyrighted and Trademarked “Lingo Bingo”© ™️

I’m stealing ideas as well.