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Your Opinion Please

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by Nowhereman, Aug 22, 2021.

  1. Aug 22, 2021 at 9:52 AM
    #1
    Nowhereman

    Nowhereman [OP] New Member

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    Have an issue that I want your opinion on.
    Son had a very nice GMC truck fully done / lifted, the whole shootin match for a few years.
    He drank the coolaid and sold it for a Tesla. He then put an order in for a Tesla truck with now, an almost two year waiting list.
    I felt this family needed a truck available for obvious reasons so I bought my Tundra.
    I have my two boys within three miles of where we live and I told them if you need to borrow the truck for moving or going to the dump or purchase of something, it's right here.
    The Tesla son comes to me with dates saying he needs it to take his Ducati to these race days at Laguna Seca, and some tracks up north of us 200 miles.
    I let him use it twice for the Ducati then said enough as he was giving me dates throughout the next six months that he needed it.
    I told him if he needed a truck that bad he should of kept his GMC.
    He bought a new home this month, and hired a moving crew to move his stuff.
    This kid has never helped anyone in the family move over the last 20 years.
    Now, he tells his mom that I'm weird and he won't ask me to use it ever because I came down on him for the Ducati thing.
    Wife is upset with me; she just wants peace in the house.
    His Tesla truck got pushed out another 6 months at least.
    Am I the bad guy in this?
     
  2. Aug 22, 2021 at 10:06 AM
    #2
    2mchfun

    2mchfun Yeah it'll pull it, just don't expect to stop!

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    No you are not. I'd straight up tell him to treat me like he would want to be treated if we were in opposite positions. Kids just aren't the same nowadays, none of us are. Times have changed and it sucks a whole bunch in many ways.
     
  3. Aug 22, 2021 at 10:07 AM
    #3
    Bammer

    Bammer I'm disinclined to acquiesce your request.

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    No way ! Tough love, he'll get over it, so will your wife.
     
  4. Aug 22, 2021 at 10:08 AM
    #4
    TRDFerguson

    TRDFerguson SSEM #99/RGBA #8-ish?/It’s a funny name.

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    You're not the bad guy. You threw it out there that if they needed it for "moving or going to the dump or purchase of something" then it's available. If your son has a lifestyle that requires a truck, he needs to get his own damn truck.
     
  5. Aug 22, 2021 at 10:10 AM
    #5
    Bappa

    Bappa Off the grid

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    Hold your ground. He feels entitled.
     
  6. Aug 22, 2021 at 10:19 AM
    #6
    Cpl_Punishment

    Cpl_Punishment Young men never die.

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    Before I bought my truck but after I bought my house, I borrowed my dad's wagon once to get a piece of eavestrough and twice I asked him to help me bring home something large in his truck that I had purchased that didn't fit in my car from places that don't offer delivery. I would never ask someone else to lend me their vehicle multiple times over the course of a few months. I don't think you're being unreasonable. If you own a house or have hobbies that involve power sports, you need a truck or you need to pay to rent one every time you need it.
     
  7. Aug 22, 2021 at 10:39 AM
    #7
    AZBoatHauler

    AZBoatHauler SSEM#140/ASCM#3/2ndGenNaysayer/BAF140

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    First off - amazing avatar.

    As someone that has dealt with more than my fair share of family drama - it seems there is a much bigger issue than use of a vehicle.

    This would be the only point I would criticize. Seems pretty clear you thought it was a bad decision for the son to get rid of his truck - did you voice that opinion at the time it happened and are now waving it again as the basis for what he probably perceives as punishment? Probably would have been a better approach to explain you were thinking more 1/2x per year to use the truck - not taking his motorcycle to the races a couple hundred miles away every month and that he’ll need to get his own truck for these on-going activities. I assume what happened was a heated or awkward conversation about what a dumbass he is for getting rid of his perfectly good truck and you aren’t replacing his truck for free. Maybe it’s 100% true and righteous but if it ruins your relationship with him or puts strain on the family - is it worth it? Not saying you need to (or should) cave but I also doubt you’ve been perfect your whole parenting career… I know I haven’t.

    Delicate balance between being right and being happy.

    Hope you all find peace with each other. :cheers:
     
  8. Aug 22, 2021 at 10:49 AM
    #8
    LuvCRVs

    LuvCRVs New Member

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    Good Grief. I come here to read about Tundra's, not get a real life account of an episode of Doctor Phil.

    And...are you really looking for validation from this forum? No doubt you knew most if not all would take your side. But frankly none of that matters one bit.

    Did you tell your wife what you posted above...that you bought the Tundra because you felt the FAMILY needed a truck? If you are not using it on those dates, well...what can I say?

    in the end you are the one who has to live with your wife.
     
    Rodtheviking likes this.
  9. Aug 22, 2021 at 10:52 AM
    #9
    TRDFerguson

    TRDFerguson SSEM #99/RGBA #8-ish?/It’s a funny name.

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    A lot of us in here use this forum as our only real form of social media. If you don’t want to read a post, stfu and keep scrolling. No one made you read this, let alone reply. Hope you feel better though.
     
  10. Aug 22, 2021 at 10:53 AM
    #10
    DrZoidberg

    DrZoidberg New Member

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    I just came here because I saw the username TRDFerguson and it’s one of the best forum names I’ve seen
     
  11. Aug 22, 2021 at 10:55 AM
    #11
    Cpl_Punishment

    Cpl_Punishment Young men never die.

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    TurdFerguson.jpg
     
  12. Aug 22, 2021 at 11:16 AM
    #12
    Uhhhh....

    Uhhhh.... New Member

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    Not much to add to what others have already said, but I’ll “here here” it & give my own spin on it.

    Definitely sounds like he has an entitlement mentality. With that, often comes victim mentality when they don’t get their way (he showed that by whining to his mom).

    By him doing that, he instigated the “victim triangle.” He’s the victim, you’re the villain, mom/wife is rescuer. It’s a nasty dance that’s very very dysfunctional. Google it. It’s a well known psychological pattern. Best way out of it, IMO, at this point is to stick to your decision, but do it with >love & patience.< Something tells me you won’t have a problem with the love/patience part.

    Sounds like he needs the lesson. He’s on his own now, and your role is not to give him everything he needs anymore. That’s for a child.

    That said, he’s not even asking for help for a need. He’s asking for help for a “want.” Race day is a nice-to-have, not a “we’ll lose the house if I can’t make this happen.”

    If you think he crossed the line into taking advantage of your kindness, that’s the lesson he needs to learn. Unfortunately, you’ll be the bad guy until his eyes open. I say stick to your guns. He has to suck it up and grow up. You’ll have to suck it up yourself when they label you the “meanie.” Just be sure to RESPOND out of patience/love, and not REACT in anger/defensiveness. The former disarms that crappy victim/villain crap. The latter feeds it.

    You’re not being mean or weird. You’re being a parent. And parenting is anything but a popularity contest. Lol

    Try to get your wife to see it this way & you’re good.
     
  13. Aug 22, 2021 at 11:23 AM
    #13
    gupster88

    gupster88 New Member

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    Definitely an entitled mentality he’s possessing. Actions have consequences. If he wanted to tote his Ducati around to races he should’ve kept the truck. Action = consequence. I know how a mother can be with a child, especially a son. She wants to keep the child happy. But you’re not the bad guy here. He needs to accept accountability and responsibility!
     
  14. Aug 22, 2021 at 12:12 PM
    #14
    reconrick1

    reconrick1 New Member

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  15. Aug 23, 2021 at 2:45 AM
    #15
    Desert Dog

    Desert Dog Nobody rides for free

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    No, you are not the "bad guy". Stick to your guns even if it hurts and he's angry at you for a time. Why? Because in doing so you're doing what a truly good father does and that's teach his son what a man is and what that means. Someday, maybe even after you're gone, he'll respect you for it.
     
  16. Aug 23, 2021 at 5:58 AM
    #16
    Jernik

    Jernik New Member

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    You should have beat his ass more when he was a child, and given necessities (pants, shirts, shoes - no-name brands though) as gifts for Christmas/Birthdays.

    There's your advice from someone who never had kids. :rofl:

    As it sits, you're screwed. Just go trade the Tundra for some ugly, dorky economy car nobody would ever want to be seen in. Problem solved.
     
    ATV25, landphil and GODZILLA like this.
  17. Aug 23, 2021 at 6:15 AM
    #17
    Uhhhh....

    Uhhhh.... New Member

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    :rofl:

    Socks & underwear for Christmas, my friend. Socks & underwear.
     
    landphil, GODZILLA and Jernik[QUOTED] like this.
  18. Aug 23, 2021 at 8:46 AM
    #18
    joonbug

    joonbug °°°°°°°°°°

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    Jeez. Let the damn boy use the damn truck.
     
  19. Aug 23, 2021 at 9:16 AM
    #19
    Wallygator

    Wallygator Well Zippedy Da Do!

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    So you would let your kid hand you a list of dates, over the next six months, for when he needs to use your truck? No regard that you may need the truck on those dates, I mean, since it is your truck and all... Doubtful. The boy needs his own truck or needs to rent a truck. He certainly has the means given he has a new home, a Tesla, a deposit on a Tesla truck, and a Ducati.

    This kid could easily afford a cheap used 2wd pickup to haul his Ducati around.
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2021
  20. Aug 23, 2021 at 9:17 AM
    #20
    Wallygator

    Wallygator Well Zippedy Da Do!

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    Welcome to the off-topic section. o_O
     
  21. Aug 23, 2021 at 9:17 AM
    #21
    Leo's first

    Leo's first TRUCK GANG

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    :rofl::rofl:
     
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  22. Aug 23, 2021 at 9:27 AM
    #22
    831Tun

    831Tun heartless Bastrd

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    Yep, Sorry. I'm a father too and find I'm always the one who's wrong.
     
  23. Aug 23, 2021 at 9:31 AM
    #23
    Sundog

    Sundog Zoom Zoom

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    Umm....so has everybody missed he is hauling a motorcycle with it? Very light...

    So he can get a rail trailer for the Ducati and tow it with his Tesla car. Hell, I pulled a dressed Honda GoldWing behind a Civic once.


    upload_2021-8-23_11-31-42.jpg
     
  24. Aug 23, 2021 at 9:37 AM
    #24
    Cpl_Punishment

    Cpl_Punishment Young men never die.

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    Easier and cheaper to borrow dad's truck any time he needs it.
     
  25. Aug 23, 2021 at 9:37 AM
    #25
    hagrid

    hagrid The most diverse of Diversity Hires!

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    Your Opinion Please

    You are unsavory. Deliver the Tundra to your son's new house. In the visor a $10,000 prepaid fuel card shall be nestled.
     
  26. Aug 23, 2021 at 9:45 AM
    #26
    Radworker

    Radworker New Member

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    My view is that every man should maintain ownership of a functioning truck at all times. Similarly to employment, don't leave a job until you have another lined up. There may be downtime due to maintenance or during a small duration between a sale and purchase, but it seems to me he needs to deal with his piss poor planning when your truck is not available. On the other hand, I also know what it's like to identify what battles are worth fighting.
     
  27. Aug 23, 2021 at 10:18 AM
    #27
    snivilous

    snivilous snivspeedshop.com

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    Tell him sell the Ducati so he can afford a $300 trailer and receiver for whatever he currently drives :D
     
  28. Aug 23, 2021 at 11:40 AM
    #28
    toyofan87

    toyofan87 Beer thirty

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    Al, you are not wrong with your decision making.. Yes, making hard decisions to loved ones and them not accepting it or disagreeing with your decision makes there butt hurt...Everyone here been there, done that... The situation will clear and things will get back to normal...
    Steady your course, be strong, and hope son figures out he's taking advantage of the situation you laid out... Best of luck sir.
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2021
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  29. Aug 23, 2021 at 12:06 PM
    #29
    joonbug

    joonbug °°°°°°°°°°

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    Yes, I would let my kid give me a list of days when she needs my truck. You wouldn't? If I need my truck on one of those days, I'd say sorry, I need my truck on these certain days. Really that difficult? What I'm not going to do is tell her to go buy her own truck because she needs to borrow my truck a few days of the year until her stupid cybertruck comes in.

    What got me was the OP's point about the moving crew. I thought he was going to say his son never helped anyone move but when it was time for him to move, he expected everyone else to help him. I absolutely hate people who do that. But he didn't, he called a moving company. I don't see anything wrong with not wanting to force friends and family to do backbreaking work on their day off to save a few bucks. Just seemed OP was looking for more stuff to nag about his kid. My dad still does the same to me. And I catch myself doing it to my kids. Nagging doesn't help at all.

    Sounds like this is starting a little riff in the family. And a good chance it will just get worse. I've seen fathers and sons not talk for a decade over something that started off as a smaller issue than this. Just not worth it. He's not a 16 year old kid. You're not going to teach him any life lessons by not letting him borrow your truck. That ship sailed. Life's too short, just let him borrow the damn truck.

    With that said, no one borrows my truck. :rofl:
     
  30. Aug 23, 2021 at 12:09 PM
    #30
    GodlessPro

    GodlessPro Bougie BASTRD

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    Is everyone missing this line? He bought it so his son could use it.
    What were the exact words that you used when you originally told your son that he could use your truck? Not what you thought in your head, but the actual words that you spoke.
    Did you not know what he previously used his truck for? In my mind if you offered up your truck he would want to use it for the same things that he used to use his own truck for.
    If you don't want him to use it because you don't approve of his life choices or what he wants to use it for then don't offer it up.
    If I look at it from the perspective of my relationship with my son, you are wrong. I know that if my son wanted to use my truck for transporting a blade of grass 3 states away every weekend I'd let him unless I specifically needed it for something. There is obviously something else going on, so maybe you are right for your situation.
     
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