1. Welcome to Tundras.com!

    You are currently viewing as a guest! To get full-access, you need to register for a FREE account.

    As a registered member, you’ll be able to:
    • Participate in all Tundra discussion topics
    • Transfer over your build thread from a different forum to this one
    • Communicate privately with other Tundra owners from around the world
    • Post your own photos in our Members Gallery
    • Access all special features of the site

Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by nk1794, Apr 3, 2018.

  1. Apr 20, 2018 at 8:59 PM
    #181
    porkitt

    porkitt New Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2017
    Member:
    #7948
    Messages:
    1,298
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Ian
    Vehicle:
    Tundra Pro Cement
    DAP Tune ESP Storage (next) Fuel Vapor ABS Guards AVS Vent Visor FRAC Harness 50 Cal/Antenna X BFG KO2 HID Extra Light Bar RG10 Running Boards BAK Industries Revolver X2 Rear Sway Bar Oh Shit Handles Pop and Lock LED Internal and Reverse Lights LED Footwell lights Tuffy Storage Console organizers Viper Alarm and Remote Start
    Happy Friday!!!

    FACBD185-02C5-499D-92E2-B560848C6419.jpg
     
  2. May 3, 2018 at 7:10 AM
    #182
    Randy Morton

    Randy Morton Life takes its toll, please have exact change.

    Joined:
    May 15, 2016
    Member:
    #3378
    Messages:
    650
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Randy
    Deepinahearta, Texas
    Vehicle:
    2012 Tundra Double Cab (I call it my Land Yacht)
    A woman walked into a pharmacy, went to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes and said "I would like to buy a fast killing poison for humans". The bewildered pharmacist asked "What for?" and the lady replied "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist recoiled in horror and said "I can't sell you that, it's illegal!" The woman calmly replied "Absolutely not." reached into her bag and pulled out a picture of her husband and the pharmacist's wife in a passionate embrace in bed. The pharmacist looked at the picture and calmly replied "Well, then, why didn't you tell me you had a prescription?"
     
    ColoradoTJ, duece292, JC303 and 4 others like this.
  3. May 3, 2018 at 4:21 PM
    #183
    porkitt

    porkitt New Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2017
    Member:
    #7948
    Messages:
    1,298
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Ian
    Vehicle:
    Tundra Pro Cement
    DAP Tune ESP Storage (next) Fuel Vapor ABS Guards AVS Vent Visor FRAC Harness 50 Cal/Antenna X BFG KO2 HID Extra Light Bar RG10 Running Boards BAK Industries Revolver X2 Rear Sway Bar Oh Shit Handles Pop and Lock LED Internal and Reverse Lights LED Footwell lights Tuffy Storage Console organizers Viper Alarm and Remote Start
    It’s Thursday funnies although it might offend some people... just something to laugh about!

    F75A1A99-CF32-495E-8E1F-A096220030C9.jpg
     
    nk1794 [OP] and mdavis like this.
  4. May 3, 2018 at 4:29 PM
    #184
    koditten

    koditten New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2018
    Member:
    #14241
    Messages:
    410
    Gender:
    Male
    I laughed like a fool on that pic, but there is no way in hell I'm giving up a "like".

    You fuckers would label the shit out of me.
     
    ColoradoTJ, COMiamiFan and poheller like this.
  5. May 21, 2018 at 12:25 PM
    #185
    Randy Morton

    Randy Morton Life takes its toll, please have exact change.

    Joined:
    May 15, 2016
    Member:
    #3378
    Messages:
    650
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Randy
    Deepinahearta, Texas
    Vehicle:
    2012 Tundra Double Cab (I call it my Land Yacht)
    A story about true compassion ..


    THE UMBRELLA - A TOUCHING STORY
    On a rainy afternoon, a group of protesters were gathered outside the grocery store handing out pamphlets on the evils of America.
    I politely declined to take one.
    There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
    The young protester gently put her hand on the old woman's shoulder and in a patronizing voice said, "Don't you care about the children of Iraq?"
    The old woman looked up at her and said: "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea and a son in Vietnam. All three died so a naive, ignorant, self-centered bimbo like you could have the right to stand here and badmouth our country, and if you touch me again, I'll shove this umbrella up your ass and open it."
    GOD BLESS AMERICA!
     
  6. Jun 28, 2018 at 2:27 PM
    #186
    rons23

    rons23 Get The Led Out!!!

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2014
    Member:
    #625
    Messages:
    6,603
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Ron
    Kill Devil Hills
    Vehicle:
    2008 Nautical Blue TRD
    Sabm (Gtek-Fab), Blake Carbon Diamond Plate door sil protecters, and Air Dam mod, Black Rivited Grill, Devil Horns- Black Anodized(Diaz Fabrication), Hid's in Low Beams and Fogs -6000k, Piaa Extreme for High Beams. Black Rhino Step Tubes, Razir Led interior Lights (white), Low Profile Black Diamond Plate Tool Box, Trd accesories, Weather Tech Mats, Carbon Fiber Shorty Antenna, Drl's, Plasta Dipped Badges + Front Grill Surround
    Little Johnnie, gotta lov'em

    received_222887425189018.jpg
     
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2018
  7. Jun 28, 2018 at 9:15 PM
    #187
    JoshuaA

    JoshuaA Modding will be the death of me

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2017
    Member:
    #11529
    Messages:
    1,813
    Southern Ontario
  8. Jul 12, 2018 at 9:25 PM
    #188
    koditten

    koditten New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2018
    Member:
    #14241
    Messages:
    410
    Gender:
    Male
    What's worse than being a sexist pig?
     
    SR5TRDTUNDRA likes this.
  9. Jul 12, 2018 at 9:28 PM
    #189
    COMiamiFan

    COMiamiFan Now you know something

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2015
    Member:
    #2160
    Messages:
    17,566
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Jose
    Parker, CO
    Vehicle:
    2016 White Crew Max TRD
    TRD Pro Grille, ESP Storage, Tailgate Inserts, Line-X Bedliner, Weathertech Floorliners, Wet Okole Seat Covers, 5" Shorty Antenna, Mickey Thompson MM-366 Wheels, ToyTec Boss, 35" BFG KO2 to name a few.
    What?
     
  10. Jul 12, 2018 at 9:34 PM
    #190
    koditten

    koditten New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2018
    Member:
    #14241
    Messages:
    410
    Gender:
    Male
    A woman who won't do what she is told!

    :anonymous::crapstorm:
     
    nk1794 [OP] and Trooper2 like this.
  11. Jul 13, 2018 at 6:40 AM
    #191
    Trooper2

    Trooper2 Membrane

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2018
    Member:
    #12738
    Messages:
    1,935
    Gender:
    Male
    Houston, TX
    Vehicle:
    2007 Tundra 5.7 L Double Cab TRD 4x2
    Black TSS 20 Wheels with Dynapro tires, Pioneer AVIC-8100NEX, N-Fab steps, Interior LED's
    Reminds me of something I heard about recently.

    There was a baby boy born recently without eyelids :eek:

    The Doctors came up with a ground breaking & pioneering solution; to take some Foreskin form his circumcised wee-wee and construct some eyelids.

    Before the procedure the Doctors told the parents there would be one tiny drawback:














    Wait for it:













    He will have eyelids but he will be a little "Cock-eyed"............. :dancingbacon:
     
    JoshuaA, nk1794 [OP], saybng and 2 others like this.
  12. Jul 13, 2018 at 8:14 AM
    #192
    Eclipsed & Floating

    Eclipsed & Floating Over it.........

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2017
    Member:
    #6454
    Messages:
    12,668
    Gender:
    Male
    I’m right where I need to be
    Vehicle:
    Voluptuous Whitey
    When I saw “joke thread” I thought it was gonna show a picture of @GNTundra
    :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
     
  13. Jul 13, 2018 at 2:51 PM
    #193
    Eclipsed & Floating

    Eclipsed & Floating Over it.........

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2017
    Member:
    #6454
    Messages:
    12,668
    Gender:
    Male
    I’m right where I need to be
    Vehicle:
    Voluptuous Whitey
    Wassup, old school!
     
    GNTundra likes this.
  14. Aug 1, 2018 at 3:44 PM
    #194
    landphil

    landphil Whuuuugh. Don't moose with me.

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2016
    Member:
    #4814
    Messages:
    1,869
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Phil
    BC, Canada
    Vehicle:
    Silver balls, silver balls...
    What did the kid say after playing with the table saw?

    Look ma, no hands
     
  15. Aug 1, 2018 at 4:06 PM
    #195
    nk1794

    nk1794 [OP] Always torque to spec

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2018
    Member:
    #12420
    Messages:
    3,772
    Gender:
    Male
    San Jose, CA
    Vehicle:
    2016 1794
    SnugTop, TRD Catback, DECKed Storage, TRD Sway Bar, ESP Under Seat Storage, Blackvue DR750S-2CH Dashcam
  16. Aug 1, 2018 at 4:34 PM
    #196
    duece292

    duece292 Pennsylvania Hillbilly Deluxe

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2017
    Member:
    #6776
    Messages:
    1,477
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Greg
    Green Bay, WI
    Vehicle:
    2013 Tundra SR5 CM TRD 5.7 4X4
    What?
     
  17. Aug 1, 2018 at 4:35 PM
    #197
    landphil

    landphil Whuuuugh. Don't moose with me.

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2016
    Member:
    #4814
    Messages:
    1,869
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Phil
    BC, Canada
    Vehicle:
    Silver balls, silver balls...
    Click the spoiler button.
     
    jewsNbrews likes this.
  18. Aug 1, 2018 at 4:35 PM
    #198
    duece292

    duece292 Pennsylvania Hillbilly Deluxe

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2017
    Member:
    #6776
    Messages:
    1,477
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Greg
    Green Bay, WI
    Vehicle:
    2013 Tundra SR5 CM TRD 5.7 4X4
    LOL... never mind. I wasn't smart enough to check the spoiler.
     
    jewsNbrews, COMiamiFan and landphil like this.
  19. Aug 1, 2018 at 4:40 PM
    #199
    landphil

    landphil Whuuuugh. Don't moose with me.

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2016
    Member:
    #4814
    Messages:
    1,869
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Phil
    BC, Canada
    Vehicle:
    Silver balls, silver balls...
    What do you get when you drop a grand piano down a mine shaft?

    ”A flat minor.”
     
  20. Aug 1, 2018 at 10:18 PM
    #200
    landphil

    landphil Whuuuugh. Don't moose with me.

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2016
    Member:
    #4814
    Messages:
    1,869
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Phil
    BC, Canada
    Vehicle:
    Silver balls, silver balls...
    A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols.
    He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night."

    The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him.

    The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent.

    Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells." The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing - Chet's nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!
     
  21. Aug 1, 2018 at 10:32 PM
    #201
    tinman10101

    tinman10101 Yogi Bear shops at the Mission Plaza

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2018
    Member:
    #14760
    Messages:
    400
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Tin
    Santa Clarita CA
    Vehicle:
    2016 MGM Crewmax
    Love this one:

    "What do gay cows eat?"




    HEYYYYYY



    BTW told that to a couple of gay people and even they think that shits funny!!! :rofl:
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2018
  22. Aug 1, 2018 at 11:54 PM
    #202
    BestGen

    BestGen California Über Alles

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2017
    Member:
    #6154
    Messages:
    1,428
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Paul
    Turnbull Canyon CA
    Vehicle:
    '05 RC 4.7 4wd / '88 4RNR 22RE/W56/RF1A
    Fabtech 2.5" coilovers, BFG KO2 34/10.5/17, 17x7.5 TE wheels, add-a-leaves, 4.56 gears, Rhino-lined
    What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

    A pickpocket snatches your watch and a peeping tom watches your snatch! :p
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2018
  23. Aug 1, 2018 at 11:55 PM
    #203
    BestGen

    BestGen California Über Alles

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2017
    Member:
    #6154
    Messages:
    1,428
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Paul
    Turnbull Canyon CA
    Vehicle:
    '05 RC 4.7 4wd / '88 4RNR 22RE/W56/RF1A
    Fabtech 2.5" coilovers, BFG KO2 34/10.5/17, 17x7.5 TE wheels, add-a-leaves, 4.56 gears, Rhino-lined
    Here's an oldie but a goody...
    What did Michael Jackson and Walmart have in common?

    They both have little boys pants half off! :eek2:
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2018
  24. Aug 1, 2018 at 11:57 PM
    #204
    BestGen

    BestGen California Über Alles

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2017
    Member:
    #6154
    Messages:
    1,428
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Paul
    Turnbull Canyon CA
    Vehicle:
    '05 RC 4.7 4wd / '88 4RNR 22RE/W56/RF1A
    Fabtech 2.5" coilovers, BFG KO2 34/10.5/17, 17x7.5 TE wheels, add-a-leaves, 4.56 gears, Rhino-lined
    What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

    One is white, plastic, and a danger to little kids and the other carries your groceries! o_O
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2018
  25. Aug 2, 2018 at 7:24 AM
    #205
    BestGen

    BestGen California Über Alles

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2017
    Member:
    #6154
    Messages:
    1,428
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Paul
    Turnbull Canyon CA
    Vehicle:
    '05 RC 4.7 4wd / '88 4RNR 22RE/W56/RF1A
    Fabtech 2.5" coilovers, BFG KO2 34/10.5/17, 17x7.5 TE wheels, add-a-leaves, 4.56 gears, Rhino-lined
    I love Helen Keller jokes! I got a few.

    Why is Helen Keller's leg always wet?

    Her dog is blind too!
     
  26. Aug 2, 2018 at 11:33 AM
    #206
    duece292

    duece292 Pennsylvania Hillbilly Deluxe

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2017
    Member:
    #6776
    Messages:
    1,477
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Greg
    Green Bay, WI
    Vehicle:
    2013 Tundra SR5 CM TRD 5.7 4X4
    How did Helen Keller burn her ear?


    She answered the iron.
     
    Trooper2, BestGen and jewsNbrews like this.
  27. Aug 2, 2018 at 11:34 AM
    #207
    duece292

    duece292 Pennsylvania Hillbilly Deluxe

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2017
    Member:
    #6776
    Messages:
    1,477
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Greg
    Green Bay, WI
    Vehicle:
    2013 Tundra SR5 CM TRD 5.7 4X4
    How did Helen Keller burn her other ear?


    They called back.
     
  28. Aug 2, 2018 at 11:52 AM
    #208
    jewsNbrews

    jewsNbrews MGM's for the win!!

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2018
    Member:
    #14506
    Messages:
    3,840
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Tim
    Walla Walla Wa
    Vehicle:
    2017 SR5 CM TRD off road
    Spray in bed liner Deck Rail system Tinted windows Blackout badges Pro grill and hood bulge Weather tech matts Nfab Nerf steps w 3rd step bed access Zdog tool chest Ceramic coat paint protection Bumper end caps paint matched Fuel Trophy 18x9 +20 offset Toyo Open Country A/T II 285/65 New England Patriots seat covers Black TRD shifter
    Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?















    Because she was a woman.

    :rofl::anonymous::crapstorm:
     
  29. Aug 2, 2018 at 1:02 PM
    #209
    BestGen

    BestGen California Über Alles

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2017
    Member:
    #6154
    Messages:
    1,428
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Paul
    Turnbull Canyon CA
    Vehicle:
    '05 RC 4.7 4wd / '88 4RNR 22RE/W56/RF1A
    Fabtech 2.5" coilovers, BFG KO2 34/10.5/17, 17x7.5 TE wheels, add-a-leaves, 4.56 gears, Rhino-lined
    What's Helen Keller favorite color?

    Corduroy :cool:
     
    Trooper2 and jewsNbrews like this.
  30. Aug 2, 2018 at 1:17 PM
    #210
    landphil

    landphil Whuuuugh. Don't moose with me.

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2016
    Member:
    #4814
    Messages:
    1,869
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Phil
    BC, Canada
    Vehicle:
    Silver balls, silver balls...
    What do you call a deer with no eyes?

    Read answer with an aussie accent.
    No eye deer. :notsure:
     

Products Discussed in

To Top