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Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by nk1794, Apr 3, 2018.

  1. Apr 5, 2018 at 7:45 AM
    #151
    15whtrd

    15whtrd Mr. Blonde

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    TRD Pro suspension, +2 Coachbuilder shackles, 2015 TRD Pro headlights, 20% ceramic tinted windows, charcoal filter delete, aFe drop in pro s dry air filter, TRD airflow accelerator, TRD oil fill cap, TRD 18 psi radiator cap, BDX Bullydog tuner, Weathertech floor mats front and rear, rear seat fold down mod, Tyger soft tonneau cover, Linex with uv protection, TRD swaybar, TRD center caps, TRD Pro grille insert, aluminum oil filter canister, Real truck tailgate seal, Pop-n-lock tailgate lock actuator, rear diff breather relocate.
    On his feet... because if he steps on you...you’re fucked!
     
  2. Apr 5, 2018 at 8:15 AM
    #152
    War Machine

    War Machine Premium Elite Member | Detailing Pro

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    How do you know your wife is having a bad day?

    She has a tampon behind her ear, and can’t find her cigarette.
     
  3. Apr 6, 2018 at 12:43 PM
    #153
    War Machine

    War Machine Premium Elite Member | Detailing Pro

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    A man calls the doctor, and asks if they got the tests results back on his wife.

    Doctor says “Yes we did. She either has AIDS or Alzheimer’s.”
    The man asks “How can we know for sure?”
    Doctor says “Take her out for a drive. Drop her off a few miles away. If she finds her way home, don’t fuck her.”
     
  4. Apr 7, 2018 at 12:04 PM
    #154
    nk1794

    nk1794 [OP] Always torque to spec

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    SnugTop, TRD Catback, DECKed Storage, TRD Sway Bar, ESP Under Seat Storage, Blackvue DR750S-2CH Dashcam
    upload_2018-4-7_12-4-52.jpg
     
    COMiamiFan likes this.
  5. Apr 7, 2018 at 5:43 PM
    #155
    gosolo

    gosolo “The .com stands for communist”, Dale Gribble

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    2"CB shackles, bushings and 1 shim, lockerdown console vault, rear folding seat back mod, snugtop shell with opening side windows, 46g fuel tank, SDHQ sliders and hidden winch, Decked Drawers, Icon leaf spring packs and got rid of the interior chrome
    This really rolls back the clock and reminds me of the time back when men were men and women were the knotholes in the slippery elm tree.
     
    ColoradoTJ and COMiamiFan like this.
  6. Apr 8, 2018 at 3:02 PM
    #156
    Grumpy Uncle

    Grumpy Uncle Pushing string down the hall

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    Snugtop XTR, 4:88s and Auburn LSD, dealership faux Pro, 35" BFGs on XD wheels, OME Lift with Dakars
    I found this going through some of my Army stuff my Mommom (grandma) sent this to me back in 95. I was in El Salvador. Here is a picture of my truck Josephine as well.20180408_155152.jpg 20180408_155324.jpg
     
  7. Apr 8, 2018 at 3:07 PM
    #157
    COMiamiFan

    COMiamiFan Wanna pet my Woobie?

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    Funny as shit joke!
     
    Grumpy Uncle likes this.
  8. Apr 8, 2018 at 3:10 PM
    #158
    Grumpy Uncle

    Grumpy Uncle Pushing string down the hall

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    Snugtop XTR, 4:88s and Auburn LSD, dealership faux Pro, 35" BFGs on XD wheels, OME Lift with Dakars
    Like I said she was a hoot.
     
    jewsNbrews and COMiamiFan like this.
  9. Apr 8, 2018 at 3:17 PM
    #159
    gosolo

    gosolo “The .com stands for communist”, Dale Gribble

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    2"CB shackles, bushings and 1 shim, lockerdown console vault, rear folding seat back mod, snugtop shell with opening side windows, 46g fuel tank, SDHQ sliders and hidden winch, Decked Drawers, Icon leaf spring packs and got rid of the interior chrome
    Early one Saturday morning Dad and little Joey were walking in the park and happened upon a female dog in heat being mated by another dog. “What’re they doing, Daddy?”, says Joey. After a moments reflection, Dad says, “Making puppies”
    It so happened that the next morning Joey looked into his parents bedroom where the door was slightly ajar and saw mom and dad engaged vigorously together. Joey goes, “daddy, watcha doing?” After a brief pause, “making babies”, says dad.
    To which Joey replied, “would you roll her over? I want a puppy.”
     
    Ely010606 and nk1794 [OP] like this.
  10. Apr 9, 2018 at 10:27 AM
    #160
    nk1794

    nk1794 [OP] Always torque to spec

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    SnugTop, TRD Catback, DECKed Storage, TRD Sway Bar, ESP Under Seat Storage, Blackvue DR750S-2CH Dashcam
  11. Apr 10, 2018 at 8:47 PM
    #161
    Trooper2

    Trooper2 Premium Lone Star Member

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    TSS 20's with Dynapro ATs, N Fab 3 Hoop Nerf Bars, TRD Wheel Locks, Pioneer AVIC-8100NEX, Masters Tailgate Replacement Latch with Camera, 1" Maxtrac Shackles, LED Interiors/Brake/Reverse/Cargo/Fog Bulbs, Fumoto Drain Valve, Toyota Aluminium Oil Filter Housing, TRD Shift Knob, Courtesy Door Projector LEDs with Toyota Emblem, Console Tray and Lower Divider.
    When a male gets a sex change to be a female he has to get a "Penectomy", to remove his junk.

    When a female gets a sex change to be male and add a penis its called an ""Add-A Dick-To-Me""................:bananadance:
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2018
    COMiamiFan likes this.
  12. Apr 17, 2018 at 10:42 AM
    #162
    JC303

    JC303 Same same but different

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    BUMP
     
    Tor likes this.
  13. Apr 19, 2018 at 8:17 AM
    #163
    Randy Morton

    Randy Morton Life takes its toll, please have exact change.

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    For those unfamiliar with Aggie Jokes: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Aggie joke

    =================================
    Aggie Vasectomy

    After having their 11th child, an Aggie couple decided that enough was enough (they couldn't afford a larger double-wide). So, they went to their doctor and told him that they didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told the young man that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, and that he could perform the procedure himself since he's an A&M graduate. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

    The Aggie said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

    So, the couple drove to another doctor to get a second opinion. The second Physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a Vasectomy when he noticed that they were A&M graduates.

    This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, Light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

    Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
     
  14. Apr 19, 2018 at 7:18 PM
    #164
    Randy Morton

    Randy Morton Life takes its toll, please have exact change.

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    Long ago a young boy asked his grandfather about the secret of long life. The old man answered that he put a teaspoon of gunpowder on his breakfast every morning. The young man took his grandfather's advice and lived to a ripe old age. When he passed, he left 7 children, 16 grandchildren, 12 great-grandchildren, 3 great-great-grandchildren, and a 6 foot hole in the crematorium.
     
  15. Apr 20, 2018 at 8:59 PM
    #165
    porkitt

    porkitt New Member

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    DAP Tune ESP Storage (next) Fuel Vapor ABS Guards AVS Vent Visor FRAC Harness 50 Cal/Antenna X BFG KO2 HID Extra Light Bar RG10 Running Boards BAK Industries Revolver X2 Rear Sway Bar Oh Shit Handles Pop and Lock LED Internal and Reverse Lights LED Footwell lights Tuffy Storage Console organizers Viper Alarm and Remote Start
    Happy Friday!!!

    FACBD185-02C5-499D-92E2-B560848C6419.jpg
     
    2manytoys, Bdebs, tinman10101 and 7 others like this.
  16. May 3, 2018 at 7:10 AM
    #166
    Randy Morton

    Randy Morton Life takes its toll, please have exact change.

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    A woman walked into a pharmacy, went to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes and said "I would like to buy a fast killing poison for humans". The bewildered pharmacist asked "What for?" and the lady replied "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist recoiled in horror and said "I can't sell you that, it's illegal!" The woman calmly replied "Absolutely not." reached into her bag and pulled out a picture of her husband and the pharmacist's wife in a passionate embrace in bed. The pharmacist looked at the picture and calmly replied "Well, then, why didn't you tell me you had a prescription?"
     
    ColoradoTJ, duece292, JC303 and 4 others like this.
  17. May 3, 2018 at 4:21 PM
    #167
    porkitt

    porkitt New Member

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    DAP Tune ESP Storage (next) Fuel Vapor ABS Guards AVS Vent Visor FRAC Harness 50 Cal/Antenna X BFG KO2 HID Extra Light Bar RG10 Running Boards BAK Industries Revolver X2 Rear Sway Bar Oh Shit Handles Pop and Lock LED Internal and Reverse Lights LED Footwell lights Tuffy Storage Console organizers Viper Alarm and Remote Start
    It’s Thursday funnies although it might offend some people... just something to laugh about!

    F75A1A99-CF32-495E-8E1F-A096220030C9.jpg
     
    2manytoys, nk1794 [OP] and mdavis like this.
  18. May 3, 2018 at 4:29 PM
    #168
    koditten

    koditten New Member

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    I laughed like a fool on that pic, but there is no way in hell I'm giving up a "like".

    You fuckers would label the shit out of me.
     
  19. May 21, 2018 at 12:25 PM
    #169
    Randy Morton

    Randy Morton Life takes its toll, please have exact change.

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    A story about true compassion ..


    THE UMBRELLA - A TOUCHING STORY
    On a rainy afternoon, a group of protesters were gathered outside the grocery store handing out pamphlets on the evils of America.
    I politely declined to take one.
    There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
    The young protester gently put her hand on the old woman's shoulder and in a patronizing voice said, "Don't you care about the children of Iraq?"
    The old woman looked up at her and said: "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea and a son in Vietnam. All three died so a naive, ignorant, self-centered bimbo like you could have the right to stand here and badmouth our country, and if you touch me again, I'll shove this umbrella up your ass and open it."
    GOD BLESS AMERICA!
     
  20. Jun 28, 2018 at 2:27 PM
    #170
    rons23

    rons23 Get The Led Out!!!

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    Little Johnnie, gotta lov'em

    received_222887425189018.jpg
     
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2018
  21. Jun 28, 2018 at 9:15 PM
    #171
    JoshuaA

    JoshuaA Nevermind mods, wife’s just rolling eyes

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  22. Jul 12, 2018 at 9:25 PM
    #172
    koditten

    koditten New Member

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    What's worse than being a sexist pig?
     
    SR5 AZUL likes this.
  23. Jul 12, 2018 at 9:28 PM
    #173
    COMiamiFan

    COMiamiFan Wanna pet my Woobie?

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    What?
     
  24. Jul 12, 2018 at 9:34 PM
    #174
    koditten

    koditten New Member

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    A woman who won't do what she is told!

    :anonymous::crapstorm:
     
    nk1794 [OP] and Trooper2 like this.
  25. Jul 13, 2018 at 6:40 AM
    #175
    Trooper2

    Trooper2 Premium Lone Star Member

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    Reminds me of something I heard about recently.

    There was a baby boy born recently without eyelids :eek:

    The Doctors came up with a ground breaking & pioneering solution; to take some Foreskin form his circumcised wee-wee and construct some eyelids.

    Before the procedure the Doctors told the parents there would be one tiny drawback:














    Wait for it:













    He will have eyelids but he will be a little "Cock-eyed"............. :dancingbacon:
     
    Ostrich, JoshuaA, nk1794 [OP] and 3 others like this.
  26. Aug 1, 2018 at 3:44 PM
    #176
    landphil

    landphil The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

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    What did the kid say after playing with the table saw?

    Look ma, no hands
     
  27. Aug 1, 2018 at 4:06 PM
    #177
    nk1794

    nk1794 [OP] Always torque to spec

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  28. Aug 1, 2018 at 4:34 PM
    #178
    duece292

    duece292 Pennsylvania Hillbilly Deluxe

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    What?
     
  29. Aug 1, 2018 at 4:35 PM
    #179
    landphil

    landphil The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

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    Click the spoiler button.
     
    jewsNbrews likes this.
  30. Aug 1, 2018 at 4:35 PM
    #180
    duece292

    duece292 Pennsylvania Hillbilly Deluxe

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    LOL... never mind. I wasn't smart enough to check the spoiler.
     
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