1. Welcome to Tundras.com!

    You are currently viewing as a guest! To get full-access, you need to register for a FREE account.

    As a registered member, you’ll be able to:
    • Participate in all Tundra discussion topics
    • Transfer over your build thread from a different forum to this one
    • Communicate privately with other Tundra owners from around the world
    • Post your own photos in our Members Gallery
    • Access all special features of the site

Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by nk1794, Apr 3, 2018.

  1. Sep 9, 2019 at 9:35 AM
    #361
    COMiamiFan

    COMiamiFan Let’s Roll!

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2015
    Member:
    #2160
    Messages:
    21,521
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Jose
    Parker, CO
    Vehicle:
    2016 White Crew Max TRD
    TRD Pro Grille, ESP Storage, Tailgate Inserts, Line-X Bedliner, Weathertech Floorliners, Wet Okole Seat Covers, 5" Shorty Antenna, Mickey Thompson MM-366 Wheels, ToyTec Boss, 35" BFG KO2 to name a few.
  2. Sep 9, 2019 at 9:55 AM
    #362
    MS22

    MS22 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2019
    Member:
    #35208
    Messages:
    35
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Mike
    Lakewood Colo
    2002 Tundra SR5 4x4
    A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
    Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
    The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.
    "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
    Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."
     
    Ely010606, Ostrich and COMiamiFan like this.
  3. Sep 9, 2019 at 10:55 PM
    #363
    YardBird

    YardBird New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2019
    Member:
    #24572
    Messages:
    2,608
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Jonesy
    San Diego
    Vehicle:
    2005 RCLB
    American Thunder Cat Back ~ Retrax Pro ~ Toyota Bed Mat ~ OEM Split Spoke Wheels
  4. Sep 10, 2019 at 6:23 AM
    #364
    danno266

    danno266 n00b

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2019
    Member:
    #25945
    Messages:
    191
    Gender:
    Male
    PNW
    Vehicle:
    2016 White CM SR5/TRD OR
    Randy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddies. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

    He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

    Managing not to yell, Randy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

    He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

    In the morning, Randy woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

    She said, ‘You were drunk again last night, weren’t you?’

    Randy said, ‘Why would you say such a mean thing?’

    ‘Well,’ Kathleen said, ‘it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ……. it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror!'
     
    1UPPER, MS22, JC303 and 6 others like this.
  5. Sep 10, 2019 at 6:24 AM
    #365
    danno266

    danno266 n00b

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2019
    Member:
    #25945
    Messages:
    191
    Gender:
    Male
    PNW
    Vehicle:
    2016 White CM SR5/TRD OR
  6. Sep 10, 2019 at 6:43 AM
    #366
    YardBird

    YardBird New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2019
    Member:
    #24572
    Messages:
    2,608
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Jonesy
    San Diego
    Vehicle:
    2005 RCLB
    American Thunder Cat Back ~ Retrax Pro ~ Toyota Bed Mat ~ OEM Split Spoke Wheels
  7. Sep 10, 2019 at 1:43 PM
    #367
    danno266

    danno266 n00b

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2019
    Member:
    #25945
    Messages:
    191
    Gender:
    Male
    PNW
    Vehicle:
    2016 White CM SR5/TRD OR
  8. Sep 10, 2019 at 1:43 PM
    #368
    danno266

    danno266 n00b

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2019
    Member:
    #25945
    Messages:
    191
    Gender:
    Male
    PNW
    Vehicle:
    2016 White CM SR5/TRD OR
  9. Sep 10, 2019 at 1:43 PM
    #369
    danno266

    danno266 n00b

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2019
    Member:
    #25945
    Messages:
    191
    Gender:
    Male
    PNW
    Vehicle:
    2016 White CM SR5/TRD OR
  10. Sep 10, 2019 at 1:44 PM
    #370
    danno266

    danno266 n00b

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2019
    Member:
    #25945
    Messages:
    191
    Gender:
    Male
    PNW
    Vehicle:
    2016 White CM SR5/TRD OR
  11. Sep 10, 2019 at 1:59 PM
    #371
    YardBird

    YardBird New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2019
    Member:
    #24572
    Messages:
    2,608
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Jonesy
    San Diego
    Vehicle:
    2005 RCLB
    American Thunder Cat Back ~ Retrax Pro ~ Toyota Bed Mat ~ OEM Split Spoke Wheels

    Wisdom from an old Jewish man


    Jewish.jpg




    A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

    So she went to check it out.


    She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

    She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

    "Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?"

    "Morris Feinberg," he replied.

    "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

    "For about 60 years."

    "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

    "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

    "I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

    "I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."

    "I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

    "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

    "Like I'm talking to a fucking wall."
     
    1UPPER, Leo's first, danno266 and 3 others like this.
  12. Sep 11, 2019 at 6:03 AM
    #372
    YardBird

    YardBird New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2019
    Member:
    #24572
    Messages:
    2,608
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Jonesy
    San Diego
    Vehicle:
    2005 RCLB
    American Thunder Cat Back ~ Retrax Pro ~ Toyota Bed Mat ~ OEM Split Spoke Wheels
  13. Sep 11, 2019 at 6:30 AM
    #373
    Fiesta346

    Fiesta346 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2018
    Member:
    #17112
    Messages:
    137
    Gender:
    Male
    southwestern PA
    Vehicle:
    2013 Rock Warrior cremax
  14. Sep 11, 2019 at 12:59 PM
    #374
    YardBird

    YardBird New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2019
    Member:
    #24572
    Messages:
    2,608
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Jonesy
    San Diego
    Vehicle:
    2005 RCLB
    American Thunder Cat Back ~ Retrax Pro ~ Toyota Bed Mat ~ OEM Split Spoke Wheels
  15. Sep 11, 2019 at 3:51 PM
    #375
    danno266

    danno266 n00b

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2019
    Member:
    #25945
    Messages:
    191
    Gender:
    Male
    PNW
    Vehicle:
    2016 White CM SR5/TRD OR
    Back in the woods, a redneck's wife went
    into labor in the middle of the night, and
    the doctor was called out to assist in the
    delivery. Since there was no electricity,
    the doctor handed the father-to-be a
    lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high
    so I can see what I'm doing." Soon a baby
    boy was brought into the world. "Whoa
    there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush
    to put the lantern down.... I think
    there's yet another one to come." Sure
    enough, within minutes he had delivered
    a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great
    hurry to be putting down that lantern... It
    seems there's yet another one in there!"
    cried the doctor. The redneck scratched
    his head in bewilderment, and asked the
    doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's
    attractin' 'em?"
     
    1UPPER, Ostrich, Ely010606 and 6 others like this.
  16. Sep 11, 2019 at 4:02 PM
    #376
    danno266

    danno266 n00b

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2019
    Member:
    #25945
    Messages:
    191
    Gender:
    Male
    PNW
    Vehicle:
    2016 White CM SR5/TRD OR
    A fireman came from work one day and told his
    wife, "You know, we have a wonder system at
    the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our
    jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the
    pole. Bell 3 rings and we're ready to go on the
    trucks."

    "From now on," he said, "we're going to run this
    house the same way." "When I say Bell 1, I want
    you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you
    to jump into bed. When I say Bell 3, we're going
    to make love all night."

    The next night the fireman came home from
    work and yelled, "Bell 1!" and his wife took off
    her clothes. "Bell 2," and his wife jumped into
    bed. "Bell 3," and they began to make love.
    After two minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4!"

    "What the hell is Bell 4?" the husband asks.

    "Roll out more hose," she replied, "you're
    nowhere near the fire!"
     
    Ostrich, Ely010606, T500 and 7 others like this.
  17. Sep 11, 2019 at 4:03 PM
    #377
    danno266

    danno266 n00b

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2019
    Member:
    #25945
    Messages:
    191
    Gender:
    Male
    PNW
    Vehicle:
    2016 White CM SR5/TRD OR
  18. Sep 11, 2019 at 4:10 PM
    #378
    YardBird

    YardBird New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2019
    Member:
    #24572
    Messages:
    2,608
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Jonesy
    San Diego
    Vehicle:
    2005 RCLB
    American Thunder Cat Back ~ Retrax Pro ~ Toyota Bed Mat ~ OEM Split Spoke Wheels
    [​IMG]


    My neighbor was working at the church’s thrift store when a fellow came in and tried on several pairs of gray slacks.

    Doris wanted to help ~ she asked;


    “Do you have a blue blazer?”


    “No,” he says. “That’s my white Ford Ranger parked out front.”
     
    Ely010606, JC303, Leo's first and 3 others like this.
  19. Sep 11, 2019 at 4:25 PM
    #379
    danno266

    danno266 n00b

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2019
    Member:
    #25945
    Messages:
    191
    Gender:
    Male
    PNW
    Vehicle:
    2016 White CM SR5/TRD OR
    FIFY
     
  20. Sep 11, 2019 at 4:54 PM
    #380
    Vince

    Vince New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2019
    Member:
    #25706
    Messages:
    145
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Vincent
    Terre du lac, Missouri
    Vehicle:
    2011 White DBL cab 5.7
    K&N intake
    :puke:lol good one
     
  21. Sep 11, 2019 at 6:33 PM
    #381
    poheller

    poheller Blue Tundra, Project Thor!

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2017
    Member:
    #8381
    Messages:
    1,154
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Scot
    The great state Ohio
    Vehicle:
    2017 TUNDRA SR5
    AFE. COI and Throttle Body Spacer. Blue dash board components, Blue Halo Bulge and emblem. Iboards running boards. VLED’s switch backs and headlights. Back flip cover. Etc, etc.
  22. Sep 11, 2019 at 6:43 PM
    #382
    ARamirez73

    ARamirez73 ROCKIN' N ROLLIN' WITH THE TÜNDRA CRÜE

    Joined:
    May 30, 2016
    Member:
    #3487
    Messages:
    39,106
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Adam
    The Lone Star State, RGV, TEXAS
    Vehicle:
    2014 CM TSS 4WD SR5 5.7 MGM
    Rough Country 6" lift / 35x12.50R20 Cooper Discoverer ST Maxx/ 20x9 +20 Fuel wheels "Mavericks" (Came with) / S&B CAI/ 2-10" Rockford Fosgates R2/ Massive Audio Nano N2 amp (Came with)/ KatSkins seat covers (Came with)/ Weathertechs window vent visors and floor mats/ 1A-AUTO.com aftermarket tow mirrors/ Undercover tonneau bed cover/ Viper alarm 3305V/ Flowmaster Super 40 Dual in-out/ 40" led light bar/ TRD Pro grille/Rough Country 30" LED light bar/TRD rear sway bar/ Ranch Hand legend grille gaurd/ Nfab nurf bars/ 2019 PRO headlights
    White/SuperWhite/StormTrooper (Fastest Color Created) Picture/video Thread

    BEST JOKE EVER!!!!:rofl:
     
    Ostrich and jewsNbrews like this.
  23. Sep 11, 2019 at 6:47 PM
    #383
    COMiamiFan

    COMiamiFan Let’s Roll!

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2015
    Member:
    #2160
    Messages:
    21,521
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Jose
    Parker, CO
    Vehicle:
    2016 White Crew Max TRD
    TRD Pro Grille, ESP Storage, Tailgate Inserts, Line-X Bedliner, Weathertech Floorliners, Wet Okole Seat Covers, 5" Shorty Antenna, Mickey Thompson MM-366 Wheels, ToyTec Boss, 35" BFG KO2 to name a few.
    You’re a joke
     
    Ostrich, jewsNbrews and ARamirez73 like this.
  24. Sep 11, 2019 at 7:02 PM
    #384
    ARamirez73

    ARamirez73 ROCKIN' N ROLLIN' WITH THE TÜNDRA CRÜE

    Joined:
    May 30, 2016
    Member:
    #3487
    Messages:
    39,106
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Adam
    The Lone Star State, RGV, TEXAS
    Vehicle:
    2014 CM TSS 4WD SR5 5.7 MGM
    Rough Country 6" lift / 35x12.50R20 Cooper Discoverer ST Maxx/ 20x9 +20 Fuel wheels "Mavericks" (Came with) / S&B CAI/ 2-10" Rockford Fosgates R2/ Massive Audio Nano N2 amp (Came with)/ KatSkins seat covers (Came with)/ Weathertechs window vent visors and floor mats/ 1A-AUTO.com aftermarket tow mirrors/ Undercover tonneau bed cover/ Viper alarm 3305V/ Flowmaster Super 40 Dual in-out/ 40" led light bar/ TRD Pro grille/Rough Country 30" LED light bar/TRD rear sway bar/ Ranch Hand legend grille gaurd/ Nfab nurf bars/ 2019 PRO headlights
    Bald head on your shoulders is a joke
     
    jewsNbrews likes this.
  25. Sep 11, 2019 at 7:02 PM
    #385
    ARamirez73

    ARamirez73 ROCKIN' N ROLLIN' WITH THE TÜNDRA CRÜE

    Joined:
    May 30, 2016
    Member:
    #3487
    Messages:
    39,106
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Adam
    The Lone Star State, RGV, TEXAS
    Vehicle:
    2014 CM TSS 4WD SR5 5.7 MGM
    Rough Country 6" lift / 35x12.50R20 Cooper Discoverer ST Maxx/ 20x9 +20 Fuel wheels "Mavericks" (Came with) / S&B CAI/ 2-10" Rockford Fosgates R2/ Massive Audio Nano N2 amp (Came with)/ KatSkins seat covers (Came with)/ Weathertechs window vent visors and floor mats/ 1A-AUTO.com aftermarket tow mirrors/ Undercover tonneau bed cover/ Viper alarm 3305V/ Flowmaster Super 40 Dual in-out/ 40" led light bar/ TRD Pro grille/Rough Country 30" LED light bar/TRD rear sway bar/ Ranch Hand legend grille gaurd/ Nfab nurf bars/ 2019 PRO headlights
    Miami dolphins, that's a joke
     
    jewsNbrews likes this.
  26. Sep 11, 2019 at 7:07 PM
    #386
    COMiamiFan

    COMiamiFan Let’s Roll!

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2015
    Member:
    #2160
    Messages:
    21,521
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Jose
    Parker, CO
    Vehicle:
    2016 White Crew Max TRD
    TRD Pro Grille, ESP Storage, Tailgate Inserts, Line-X Bedliner, Weathertech Floorliners, Wet Okole Seat Covers, 5" Shorty Antenna, Mickey Thompson MM-366 Wheels, ToyTec Boss, 35" BFG KO2 to name a few.
    Houston TX is a joke
     
  27. Sep 11, 2019 at 7:08 PM
    #387
    ARamirez73

    ARamirez73 ROCKIN' N ROLLIN' WITH THE TÜNDRA CRÜE

    Joined:
    May 30, 2016
    Member:
    #3487
    Messages:
    39,106
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Adam
    The Lone Star State, RGV, TEXAS
    Vehicle:
    2014 CM TSS 4WD SR5 5.7 MGM
    Rough Country 6" lift / 35x12.50R20 Cooper Discoverer ST Maxx/ 20x9 +20 Fuel wheels "Mavericks" (Came with) / S&B CAI/ 2-10" Rockford Fosgates R2/ Massive Audio Nano N2 amp (Came with)/ KatSkins seat covers (Came with)/ Weathertechs window vent visors and floor mats/ 1A-AUTO.com aftermarket tow mirrors/ Undercover tonneau bed cover/ Viper alarm 3305V/ Flowmaster Super 40 Dual in-out/ 40" led light bar/ TRD Pro grille/Rough Country 30" LED light bar/TRD rear sway bar/ Ranch Hand legend grille gaurd/ Nfab nurf bars/ 2019 PRO headlights
    Yes it is, I hate it myself
     
    Ostrich and COMiamiFan like this.
  28. Sep 11, 2019 at 7:25 PM
    #388
    COMiamiFan

    COMiamiFan Let’s Roll!

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2015
    Member:
    #2160
    Messages:
    21,521
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Jose
    Parker, CO
    Vehicle:
    2016 White Crew Max TRD
    TRD Pro Grille, ESP Storage, Tailgate Inserts, Line-X Bedliner, Weathertech Floorliners, Wet Okole Seat Covers, 5" Shorty Antenna, Mickey Thompson MM-366 Wheels, ToyTec Boss, 35" BFG KO2 to name a few.
    Humid as heck down there
     
  29. Sep 11, 2019 at 7:26 PM
    #389
    Trooper2

    Trooper2 Premium Lone Star Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2018
    Member:
    #12738
    Messages:
    4,079
    Gender:
    Male
    (Southern Suburban) Houston, TX
    Vehicle:
    2007 Tundra 5.7 L Double Cab TRD 2WD
    TSS 20's with Dynapro ATs, N Fab 3 Hoop Nerf Bars, TRD Wheel Locks, Pioneer AVIC-8100NEX, Masters Tailgate Replacement Latch with Camera, 1" Maxtrac Shackles, LED Interiors/Brake/Reverse/Cargo/Fog Bulbs, Fumoto Drain Valve, Toyota Aluminium Oil Filter Housing, TRD Shift Knob, Courtesy Door Projector LEDs with Toyota Emblem, Console Tray and Lower Divider.
    What, no Whataburger downers?
     
    TX-TRD1stGEN and COMiamiFan like this.
  30. Sep 11, 2019 at 7:27 PM
    #390
    ARamirez73

    ARamirez73 ROCKIN' N ROLLIN' WITH THE TÜNDRA CRÜE

    Joined:
    May 30, 2016
    Member:
    #3487
    Messages:
    39,106
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Adam
    The Lone Star State, RGV, TEXAS
    Vehicle:
    2014 CM TSS 4WD SR5 5.7 MGM
    Rough Country 6" lift / 35x12.50R20 Cooper Discoverer ST Maxx/ 20x9 +20 Fuel wheels "Mavericks" (Came with) / S&B CAI/ 2-10" Rockford Fosgates R2/ Massive Audio Nano N2 amp (Came with)/ KatSkins seat covers (Came with)/ Weathertechs window vent visors and floor mats/ 1A-AUTO.com aftermarket tow mirrors/ Undercover tonneau bed cover/ Viper alarm 3305V/ Flowmaster Super 40 Dual in-out/ 40" led light bar/ TRD Pro grille/Rough Country 30" LED light bar/TRD rear sway bar/ Ranch Hand legend grille gaurd/ Nfab nurf bars/ 2019 PRO headlights
    That's Texas
     
    Ostrich and COMiamiFan like this.

Products Discussed in

To Top