North West BS Thread

I was asked to head to Europe next. Might be my only opportunity for a trip this year, but I quickly passed.

 

For what it’s worth, my message from my health provider. Local schools have been closed for cleaning. I hope we don’t run out of TP.

 

Is it me or is this starting to feel like Ground Hog Day? A few deaths (generally elderly people with underlying conditions; God bless them), a few new confirmed cases. A few politicians repeating the same crap they said yesterday. Media regurgitating the political nonsense. More emails from school, church and various orgs that say nothing new. A call/email/text from some family member I never talk to that just realized I live near “ground zero”. Another gaggle of parents/neighbors clucking away how Costco is so busy. It’s exhausting...

 

Yet the media is not spreading panic about more than 100 kids that died this year already from regular flu or 18,000 people a year in this country alone.I smell something fishy about this

 

Have ya'll looked into the 2017 Catastrophe or Pandemic Emergency Financing bonds that are supposed to mature in June? It's an unpopular and uncomfortable 'conspiracy' to bring up. I hate to make this political but these bonds will default, and therefore not have to be paid back, if there is a "pandemic" before June of this year...

 

I arrived in Hawaii 3 days ago. Went grocery shopping yesterday all TP gone from the store we went to. But I think Wal-Mart had some I wasn't shopping for it. The place I am staying I have not found the local news just a bunch of cable channels, so I don't know what is going on. Except that it is hot and there are a lot of women that are not dressed for work.

 

Oh by the way the company really put us all up in dumps fl r this one.

 

Standing in line for toilet paper: practice for a Bernie win!

 

I liked to be prepared so I always have 3 cases of TP and 5 cases of water sitting in my garage. It's crazy seeing the videos of people clambering over the new TP shipments that are gone in minutes like it's a Black Friday sale.

 

who needs TP in Hawaii wash up in ocean mother natures toilet for mankind

 

I bought one of these 4 years ago. No looking back since. A roll of TP last me about a month. I could use the shower curtain in a pinch.

$36 LUXE Bidet NEO 120 - Self-Cleaning Nozzle, Fresh Water Non-Electric Bidet Attachment for Toilet Seat, Adjustable Water Pressure, Rear Wash (White)

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JG2DETM/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_wzayEb9MA3023

 

is it messy meaning water gets everywhere/more parts to clean?

 

Well, if you want to know the truth......

No. After I make a doody I do one wipe with TP to get the bulk of it out and then hit it with the pressure washer. The stream on it is pretty tight and intense, like a Waterpik for your bum.

In general it's pretty good at hitting the bullseye. Sometimes a little spray gets on my scrote/taint area but I just pat it dry.
After a while you get a sense for it and are able to position your brown eye in the right spot so you score a bullseye every time.
The part no one wants to talk about is that occasionally water will break thru the sphincter and get up in you, and you have to squirt it back out. Sometimes, extra doody comes out in the process. I actually don't mind it because it makes me feel completely empty and clean, and sometimes I use it to help with constipation.

The only down side to that is squirting water back out of your cornhole isn't quiet, in fact it's rather loud and distinct.

They do run on cold water. Yeah, you can get a warm water one, but you have to run a hose out of your sink cabinet, and it takes a while for it to preheat. It took a little conditioning but now I'm fairly confident I could kegel an ice cube.

After a while your butthole becomes a little princess, and making a doody and wiping the regular way becomes quite uncomfortable. I was able to convince my boss to buy me one at work to increase productivity, and because wiping with Cintas one-ply was torture.

But seriously, at some point in my life my body decided I could no longer make a rock hard, one-wipe bowel movement. BMs were usually a half a roll experience for me and sometimes so bad I'd rub it raw. This thing literally changed my life for the better.

 

That was way too much info.

Get a box of baby wet wipes. One and done. Everyone I know that has kids keeps these around long after the kids are out of diapers.

 

.......WOW..... really..... this is where this thread is going?!?

 

Well, his user name does include “turd” so...

 

Yeah, the Turd Pro has nothing to do with me driving a TRD Pro. That's coincidence.

 

When Costco sells out of TP I will be enjoying the good life with all the baby wipes we have on hand.

 

I couldn’t have not said it better myself!

 

Just an FYI, dont flush them. They say flushable on some. But they do havac on plumbing and waste facilities. Used to use them. But i am not taking out the garbage every time i need to go #2.

 

Yeah plus the hot chicks love watching me scrub my ass

 

It's like I am talking with royalty, I feel that I have just messed up my life.

 

I'm a fan of oversharing and making things weird, well done sir!

 

Old age is a bitch, dude. I don't shit like I used to. I'm not going to fuck my septic tank up with wipes, and I'm not going to finger my own asshole with wipes. A jet of water up my ass seems reasonable; and my wife is always telling me she can't taste or smell shit when she eats it like she used to.

 

Now THAT made me laugh out loud!

 

Ha Ha I just finally had a real laugh today

 

So is anyone else joining the ranks of "working from home" today? I was home yesterday waiting for my seasonal allergy meds to kick in and then my employer updated their policy and told us to stay home. Looks like I'll be saving a lot of money on fuel the next few weeks.

As much as I like skipping my commute, I find it's a struggle to remain focused on work at home. So many distractions...like a dirty truck that needs a wash.

 

Just work from inside the truck. Go for a drive and find a hot spot for wifi. Best office to go to!